Unsent Messages

To the man who describes himself as a broken-hearted hero, 

I thought love was jealous, fragile, and painful. I thought everyone who loved deeply, did so complicatedly. 

Since you, I’ve discovered love through the purest of sources: friendship and kindness. 

The kind of love that makes me feel seen. The kind of love that makes me feel heard. 

It’s that kind of familial love I didn’t realize I already knew, and had no idea I would someday gain even more of. 

Because of what I’ve learned since you, I was ready for him. To see him. To hear him. To love him. 

I’m thankful for where my path has brought me. I hope you can say the same. 

Sincerely, 

The confident queen who walked away

Representing the reality

I haven’t written in a while, as I’ve been busy moving all over the place and starting a new job. Also, I found myself in a funk recently, as I tend to do when my life gets overwhelming and I see areas that I should be doing better in. I’ve been trying to stay away from comparing myself to others for as long as I could remember, but it didn’t dawn on me until recently that I compare myself to an inaccurate memory of my own past performance. Funks are hard to get out of… but I’m finally to a point where I feel positive, and like my normal self.

What helped me address my funk was realizing that the reality of myself and my past was not well represented. This is the time of Instagram… we take 40 photos of ourselves in a given situation, choose the most flattering one, post it, and delete the 39 undesirables. How the hell is anyone supposed to maintain a positive self-concept if we don’t accurately represent ourselves? This isn’t to suggest that my entire self-esteem revolves around how I look, but when I’m already feeling like I’m under-performing my past…old Instagram photos sure aren’t doing me any favors.

The same could be said about our society… we have models that don’t represent a true sample of the population, our entertainers are paid to look their absolute best and shamed when they don’t………which just leads to more and more of us “regulars” feelings like the unperformed. Of late, I’d been really harsh on myself for gaining 8 lbs in the last year, and not keeping up with my good habits. I would send myself into shame spirals just by looking at old Instagram photos, and thinking “I had it together back then…what the fuck happened this year?”  Well, what happened is that I’m human, and sometimes humans fluctuate in weight, and go through life ruts. What matters to me is being healthy, and feeling good about myself and the cosmos. The rest will sort itself out.

I saw something recently that said “love yourself in the same way you so freely love others,” and I was like “holy fuck, I would never shame someone for going through a rut or for feeling like they’ve been under-performing their past. I’d fucking lift them up and make them feel supported and smothered by my love!” -So, why the hell shouldn’t I do that for myself? …I should. YOU SHOULD. We ALL should.

I turned 25 this year, and even though I do practice quite a bit of self love….it’s good to be reminded that I’m not done learning how to love and accept myself as I am: human. Maybe I’ll look at those 39 “undesirables” with more love next time, and definitely not delete every single one of them, because I’ve learned (time after time) that that does more harm than good. And maybe I’ll work on smothering my own self with love, by lifting myself up the way I would my loved ones.

26 is going to be a good year for me, and I’m looking forward to taking this lesson into the new year with me.

P.S. Guys, today is our one year anniversary and we hit 11k followers this month….that’s fucking outrageous. I could never imagine that I would have fallen head over heals with a project in the way that I did when I created this with the help of my “team” (aka besties). Holy shit. Instagram is the bulk of what brings traffic onto this site, so if you want (sometimes) hourly updates on where I’m at with life be sure to follow us on IG @BasicAndBipolar.

Thank you for all the IG, FB, and WP love!! I can’t even begin to express my gratitude over having so many genuine people follow along. We’re all so lucky to share our stories and path with all of you.

xx

To Be Continued,

B&B

SoHotHeWontNoticeMyCrazy

Am I right!?!

How many of us have thought “I just need to lose____lbs”, “I just need to be in better shape”, or “I just need my long luscious locks back”….”and that’ll show him! I’ll be too hot for HIM!” 

I’m guilty of this, and I know many others are too. Let’s work on this, guys and gals. Let’s collectively work on valuing our journey enough to not invalidate our present. You are who you are right now. Nothing superficial has changed who you are underneath all the bullshit. 

So what if I’ve been in better shape and my hair is in a weird transition phase -I’m the same catch I was last year and the year before. I’m still the same sassy mouthed, moody queen who loves fiercely. Chances are, whoever I’d want to “teach a lesson”…things were not that great anyway. Superficial relationships never are.

It’s great to joke about the quirky things we all do (and I genuinely am someone who has thought the above…in the last month!). But I think the most dangerous thing about having this mentality is that we constantly say to ourselves “you’re not good enough…yet!” So, we’re not only putting ourselves down, but we’re seeking out this fictional version of ourselves that we’ll finally be happy with. We’ll feel better about where we’re at in life when they’re pining after us.

 This is a sort of fucked up concept, guys. One that extends beyond the romantic. I’ve got a yogi bestie who thinks she’ll get more people in her classes if she looks better in her Instagram photos. What does her leg cellulite have to do with her ability to teach yoga? Not a fucking thing. What does my weird hair phase have to do with my ability to love? Not a fucking thing.

 Let’s all do better, ladies and gents. Remind yourselves and your friends that we are all perfectly fine in the present. Own your path. We may be flawed, but we’re constantly redefining our perfectly flawed mold. 

We need the support of the collective to break this bad habit. 

To be continued, 

B&B 

Grace I

It’s funny how my memories of you can spill onto a piece of paper in a series of letters; foreign to the unlearned, yet just as beautiful.

But I scrawl them out on whatever sits in front of me, as if hesitating for one more second would erase you from my mind.
The shape of your bones drip with blue ink on a crumpled up newspaper that I’ve been meaning to throw away for weeks.

The curve of your smile and the softness in your eyes engraved in the floor at the bottom of the staircase after I lost the strength to climb them. Or maybe I lost the will to climb to an empty room.

I can see the curls of your hair dancing off your shoulders as you tiptoe across the room staining the couch with your favorite color of nail polish.

Your pale white skin and the constellations of freckles on your stomach defaces every mirror I’ve looked into because I’d rather see that than see the hallow eyes and sunken cheeks pretending to be me.

And there, chiseled into the mantle where the dust surrounded old picture frames, is the makeshift novel of how your sharp breaths pierce my ear when I plant my lips on your collar bone.

I can see your nimble hands unperched from your hips as they reach out for mine scribbled across the doorway from the day I thought I could leave, but just kept waiting for you to follow.

It’s funny how all of these memories of you can spill out and be just as beautiful.

The Girl With The Lower Back Tattoo Is Changing The Game

amy-schumer-vogue-july-2016-01

Game changer Amy Schumer was picked to be the cover of Vogue recently, and her interview is so atypical Vogue that it’s basically giving me life. I love Amy; she has been my dream bestie since the first time I saw her stand-up. I love any woman who celebrates her truth. I relate so heavily to not only her journey, but to her comedy. I believe in talking about the uncomfortable stuff that people need to hear about.

“I wouldn’t know what motivates Tina Fey and Julia Louis-Dreyfus,” says Schumer when I bring this up. “This insatiable drive. I have it too. Sometimes I feel like they’re hustling, they want something, and they’re not going to stop until they get it, and they play the game. I am very into making up my own rules. Like, I don’t want to play the game and succeed at it. I want to redefine it. That’s the only way I can deal with it. Maybe that’s naive. ”   -What a great way to utilize comedic talent!

Her interview with Vogue really is game-changing. She talks about the era of the mean girl being over, and that people are becoming more honest and not accepting of meanness, she discusses her journey with her dad and how being comedic was a defense against difficulty through her childhood. And what we can all probably relate to, she talks about how confusing sex is when you’re young and how her perception of beauty warped her sense of self when she was young. I am in love with alllll of that. In true Amy fashion, it’s honest and hilarious.
Click Here to read the whole interview.

Enjoy, Friends! I loved this interview.

 

To be continued,

B&B

Proud Neo-liberal Beyoncé Feminist! 

So, bumble (the dating app) spoke out about a woman being verbally abused by a male user, and I’m getting all sorts of feisty over it:

HelloGiggles covers the story pretty well if you want to read what bumble had to say in response to the screenshot above.

If you’ve ever been on Tinder or Bumble, you’ve probably encountered a Connor-type. He’s a classic “I have too much to offer you, so tread lightly” type. My most recent encounter with one of those was when I matched with Legarrette Blount  last summer, and he told me I should consider myself “lucky”, because he’s picky. – 😳 ahem…excuse me?! Who the fuck are you!? (I had to google him to figure out who the hell he was) And I’m still NOT impressed, but his name sure as hell stuck with me!

I digress, it’s crazy that this Connor guy’s prestigious degree didn’t instill any sense of decency or humbleness in him. What a great way to impress the world with a fancy degree, Connor. We thank you for even allowing the rest of us to coexist with your ego. *barf*

This guys is a massive jerk, and I hope he finds exactly what he’s looking for in a counterpart… A giant bag of dicks.

Oh, and to all the haters of state schools… We got the same education, but I paid for mine myself.  *flips hair*  #ProudASUalum

Kicking and Screaming 

Today in Podcasts You Should Be Obsessed With: Kicking and Screaming, brought to you by Jenna and Bodhi Elfman. 

There’s seriously nothing I love more than a couple that has been together for basically ever and they do nothing but keep it real.  

This is the time of Facebook and Instagram posts, declaring undying love for a soulmate. Well, I don’t know about any of yall, but I’ve never dated an actual unicorn…and I’ve also never done heroine, so the euphoria these people express towards their lovers just confuses the shit out of me. Real love, to me, is someone who chooses you daily, and can still say “God, you’re fucking annoying sometimes. Still love you though!” 

I love LOVE love watching their podcasts. Jenna Elfman will for ever be my favorite hippy queen; Dharma, and their relationship is REAL. They actually express their annoyances towards one another. 

Check out their podcast, Kicking and Screaming, where they talk life, sex, parenting, and the perils of trying to get to your flight on time when your kid has to take the biggest number two there ever was. 

B&B