Representing the reality

I haven’t written in a while, as I’ve been busy moving all over the place and starting a new job. Also, I found myself in a funk recently, as I tend to do when my life gets overwhelming and I see areas that I should be doing better in. I’ve been trying to stay away from comparing myself to others for as long as I could remember, but it didn’t dawn on me until recently that I compare myself to an inaccurate memory of my own past performance. Funks are hard to get out of… but I’m finally to a point where I feel positive, and like my normal self.

What helped me address my funk was realizing that the reality of myself and my past was not well represented. This is the time of Instagram… we take 40 photos of ourselves in a given situation, choose the most flattering one, post it, and delete the 39 undesirables. How the hell is anyone supposed to maintain a positive self-concept if we don’t accurately represent ourselves? This isn’t to suggest that my entire self-esteem revolves around how I look, but when I’m already feeling like I’m under-performing my past…old Instagram photos sure aren’t doing me any favors.

The same could be said about our society… we have models that don’t represent a true sample of the population, our entertainers are paid to look their absolute best and shamed when they don’t………which just leads to more and more of us “regulars” feelings like the unperformed. Of late, I’d been really harsh on myself for gaining 8 lbs in the last year, and not keeping up with my good habits. I would send myself into shame spirals just by looking at old Instagram photos, and thinking “I had it together back then…what the fuck happened this year?”  Well, what happened is that I’m human, and sometimes humans fluctuate in weight, and go through life ruts. What matters to me is being healthy, and feeling good about myself and the cosmos. The rest will sort itself out.

I saw something recently that said “love yourself in the same way you so freely love others,” and I was like “holy fuck, I would never shame someone for going through a rut or for feeling like they’ve been under-performing their past. I’d fucking lift them up and make them feel supported and smothered by my love!” -So, why the hell shouldn’t I do that for myself? …I should. YOU SHOULD. We ALL should.

I turned 25 this year, and even though I do practice quite a bit of self love….it’s good to be reminded that I’m not done learning how to love and accept myself as I am: human. Maybe I’ll look at those 39 “undesirables” with more love next time, and definitely not delete every single one of them, because I’ve learned (time after time) that that does more harm than good. And maybe I’ll work on smothering my own self with love, by lifting myself up the way I would my loved ones.

26 is going to be a good year for me, and I’m looking forward to taking this lesson into the new year with me.

P.S. Guys, today is our one year anniversary and we hit 11k followers this month….that’s fucking outrageous. I could never imagine that I would have fallen head over heals with a project in the way that I did when I created this with the help of my “team” (aka besties). Holy shit. Instagram is the bulk of what brings traffic onto this site, so if you want (sometimes) hourly updates on where I’m at with life be sure to follow us on IG @BasicAndBipolar.

Thank you for all the IG, FB, and WP love!! I can’t even begin to express my gratitude over having so many genuine people follow along. We’re all so lucky to share our stories and path with all of you.

xx

To Be Continued,

B&B

Bhruasnhd

Friends, followers, loved ones:

As you all know, it’s not uncommon that I share when I’ve discovered something I love. This isn’t a blog/IG/FB (or anything else) that makes money, so when I’m sharing about my love for something, it’s because I pay for it myself and give it high praise on every one of my platforms. 

With that said, one of my very talented friends has created a clothing line with his brothers that I couldn’t be more stoked about. In an effort to not only share beautiful art with the world, they’ve sparked dialogue surrounding our cultural and societal norms and it’s giving me life. I’m so impressed and proud of this dude, you can’t even imagine my excitement when the line finally dropped. 
I’m obsessed with these designs, guys. Check them out: bhruasnhd 

SoHotHeWontNoticeMyCrazy

Am I right!?!

How many of us have thought “I just need to lose____lbs”, “I just need to be in better shape”, or “I just need my long luscious locks back”….”and that’ll show him! I’ll be too hot for HIM!” 

I’m guilty of this, and I know many others are too. Let’s work on this, guys and gals. Let’s collectively work on valuing our journey enough to not invalidate our present. You are who you are right now. Nothing superficial has changed who you are underneath all the bullshit. 

So what if I’ve been in better shape and my hair is in a weird transition phase -I’m the same catch I was last year and the year before. I’m still the same sassy mouthed, moody queen who loves fiercely. Chances are, whoever I’d want to “teach a lesson”…things were not that great anyway. Superficial relationships never are.

It’s great to joke about the quirky things we all do (and I genuinely am someone who has thought the above…in the last month!). But I think the most dangerous thing about having this mentality is that we constantly say to ourselves “you’re not good enough…yet!” So, we’re not only putting ourselves down, but we’re seeking out this fictional version of ourselves that we’ll finally be happy with. We’ll feel better about where we’re at in life when they’re pining after us.

 This is a sort of fucked up concept, guys. One that extends beyond the romantic. I’ve got a yogi bestie who thinks she’ll get more people in her classes if she looks better in her Instagram photos. What does her leg cellulite have to do with her ability to teach yoga? Not a fucking thing. What does my weird hair phase have to do with my ability to love? Not a fucking thing.

 Let’s all do better, ladies and gents. Remind yourselves and your friends that we are all perfectly fine in the present. Own your path. We may be flawed, but we’re constantly redefining our perfectly flawed mold. 

We need the support of the collective to break this bad habit. 

To be continued, 

B&B 

Grace I

It’s funny how my memories of you can spill onto a piece of paper in a series of letters; foreign to the unlearned, yet just as beautiful.

But I scrawl them out on whatever sits in front of me, as if hesitating for one more second would erase you from my mind.
The shape of your bones drip with blue ink on a crumpled up newspaper that I’ve been meaning to throw away for weeks.

The curve of your smile and the softness in your eyes engraved in the floor at the bottom of the staircase after I lost the strength to climb them. Or maybe I lost the will to climb to an empty room.

I can see the curls of your hair dancing off your shoulders as you tiptoe across the room staining the couch with your favorite color of nail polish.

Your pale white skin and the constellations of freckles on your stomach defaces every mirror I’ve looked into because I’d rather see that than see the hallow eyes and sunken cheeks pretending to be me.

And there, chiseled into the mantle where the dust surrounded old picture frames, is the makeshift novel of how your sharp breaths pierce my ear when I plant my lips on your collar bone.

I can see your nimble hands unperched from your hips as they reach out for mine scribbled across the doorway from the day I thought I could leave, but just kept waiting for you to follow.

It’s funny how all of these memories of you can spill out and be just as beautiful.

File This Under Things Not Worth Our Time

Guys, I really don’t give a fuck about a divorcing couple I’ve never met. We all have issues we’re passionate about, let’s focus on those. Let’s focus on what’s going on around us & in the world…not what’s going on in the bedrooms of Hollywood’s finest. 🙏❤️🌍 #TooManyBrangelinaMemesAndHeadlines #SoapboxMomentOver

International Day of Peace Should Be Every Day

Change starts with the disallowing of others to drag their muddy footprints through your head and heart. Be positive, and spread love. Be stubborn in this; positivity is just as intoxicating as negativity is. Choose love. Choose peace. Teach both. 🙏❤️🌍 #InternationalDayOfPeace #PositivityOverNegativity

I Repeat, I Am NOT Chill 

I’m not cool or “chill”. It’s just a simple fact about me.

Quick story:

After an embarrassing amount of failed attempts at getting movies back from the flakiest fuckboy I’ve ever encountered, he felt the need to tell me “Chill, girl. You’re really cool, but damn.. sometimes, you’re too much.” And that’s obviously when I acted like a complete mature, composed adult and told him to go fuck himself if he couldn’t manage to return my stuff like a proper fucking adult would….Did I say mature/composed? I meant, a complete mad woman who would have throat punched him if he had told me to “chill” in person.

I am not a low-key, chill chick (whatever the fuck ‘cool’ or ‘chill’ even mean in that context). I don’t even mildly exude that. I’m high energy, and a relatively demanding person that is definitely too much for some people. *My best friend likes to compare me to a puppy, because I’m both playful and will whine relentlessly until my loved ones surrender to my whims*

Are these qualities everyone loves? Definitely not. Do I pretend to be anything but a neurotic goofball? Goodness no. If I’m “too much” it means that I’m not for you, so get to stepping. I’m fine with who I am.

Also, ladies…how many of us love being told to “chill” or “relax”?? Sigh. They never learn.

I’m so not cool, guys. I like getting my stuff back after I stop seeing someone -it only seems fair. I also really like adult conversations that don’t lead to “show me your tits”, relationships that involve labels, and I LOVE having specific plans to which the other adult shows up on time (8 pm does NOT mean 9:30pm).

To any future flakey fuckboys to cross my path, I’m not chill…I will NEVER be chill. Stop requesting it of me.

To Be Continued,

B&B

Book Club Part One: Fluid


And guess what…she LOVED it.

“FLUID is a gritty interactive novel that explores the nature of free will, through both the large story of a cosmic battle between good and evil, and the small story of two teenagers yearning for connection in a greedy, manipulative world.”

Have you ever read a book and forgotten that it’s not real life and you don’t actually know the characters? …you’re basically Gilmore Girl level acquainted with the characters, and you’re rooting for them/with them?

That’s how “fluid” was for me, and like all things I’m obsessed with…I share it with the masses! I’m not going to go into too much detail, because the author does a much better job at summarizing it than I ever could.

It’s an adult interactive book, so check it out on a digital platform (iBooks, nook, etc.) I also highly recommend you head over to his website. You can get more information about it there.

I have read it three times and I’m consistently in love with the content in this book… It’s a must-read!

Oh, and just as a fantastic side note: you can stalk the author on Instagram (I already do, regularly): @TravisSentell -not only is he a phenomenal writer, but he takes beautiful photos of his travels! Oh, and he’s a total silver fox with gorgeous blue eyes…so there’s that. 😉

To Be Continued.

B&B

Airport Tears

Today, I said goodbye to my family and the majority of my belongings and I moved across the country. Saying goodbye to my loved ones was ridiculously hard. I’ve moved several times in the past, but this time around I’m much older and put together and the odds of this being a successful move are much higher than they were five years ago. When I moved across the country when I was 21, I was a complete mess: I had no job to move to, I had no money, and I had only 1 friend in that area (she was moving with me –and also jobless). We were in no condition to pick up and leave.

This time around, I’m actually relocating for work (and school –I’m a perpetual student).  I’m incredibly sad that I won’t see my family for quite some time, but I know I’m going to rock this change. I’ve been ready for a big change for quite some time.  Any who, I’m not writing today to talk about my move really.. I’m writing today, because I was a total bag of nuts at the airport today and I thought some of you beautiful creatures might get a kick out of it!

As I said I moved, and with moving comes LOADS of unexpected expenses. This job opportunity popped up sort of out the blue, too, so I wasn’t exactly financially prepared for any of this. I’ve spent the last two weeks (since accepting this job offer) being as stingy as possible. The term “counting pennies” does no justice to how stingy I’ve been. I even went as far as sending myself my books and “heavier” clothing items in the mail, to prevent paying that stupid “heavy luggage” fee at the airport. With that said, due to road construction and busy family members, I had to take a $50 cab ride to the airport. Just that cab ride was giving me a heart attack… ugh ……….then I got into the airport.

I did my own check-in and luggage tag nonsense, and then brought my bag to the counter to be weighed. At this point, I was feeling pretty good about myself, because I only packed work clothes and gym clothes –I was in the clear… or so I thought! My luggage ended up being 13 pounds overweight, so I attempted to disburse the weight among my two carry-ons. I weighed my bag a second time, and it was 6 pounds over. I was going to have to pay $100 for 6 lbs of clothes. When the Customer Service rep explained to me that I’d have to try again, she had me open my back to see what we could move around to help lighten it. This is when she discovered that I packed only light clothes and that I packed VERY well. She looked up at me, and I was sobbing, and saying “I’m moving. These are all works clothes. I just shipped everything heavy to myself to avoid this. I cannot pay $100 for 6 pounds of what’s probably just this extremely heavy suitcase.” She looked at me one more time, typed something into the computer, asked for my ID, and said “Bye bye now. And thank you for flying (insert airline)! ….now throw your purse in something. It’s okay if it’s sticking out; it just has to be in something. Good luck with your move!”

Obviously that just made me cry even more, and I spent the majority of my two-hour wait at the airport sobbing because that lady did something semi-shady to prevent me from paying $100 extra for 6 lbs of clothes, and I could not have been more shocked and grateful! So, thank you kind KIND stranger for doing whatever it was that you did to prevent this solo traveler from having an even bigger meltdown at the airport.

Side note: does anyone else ALWAYS get pulled aside by TSA? Without a doubt, I ALWAYS get chosen to go through that stupid x-ray thing, frisked, and tested for residue. I’m 5’3 and always wear dresses to the airport, and am almost always crying……….I can’t think of a less suspicious person.  Lol it must be the airport tears.

It’s been a while since we’ve reached out to show love and share stories. Life has been crazy for us all. I love and appreciate every reader and writer; this community is so full of support. From the WP, IG, and FB community…we feel the love!

Thank you for the continued support, guys!

To be continued,

 

B&B

Why Millennial Men Find Women Like Me Confusing

This actually made me laugh, because I give this friend shit constantly.

But to further explain the likely cause of his and most men’s confusion with women: he’s a millennial who enjoys casual dating. Not promiscuity, but actual dating. He’s definitely a gentleman (and is generally very wonderful) but he actually dates around for fun. Are there any women out there who enjoy that? ….Homies, that might be why you don’t understand women: most of us actually hate casual dating.

Let’s discuss casual dating in situations I’ve been in: we talk a lot, we like each other, we either have sex or just “fool around”, we do things together, we never get too “couple-y”,  I’m treated like I’m just “one of the boys”, and I always feel on edge and like I can’t relax. *There’s definitely ZERO type of commitment that provides any sense of security.

Now, I  can’t speak for all women, I can only speak for myself but casual dating has been nothing but bullshit for me.

As a result of being the anti-casual chick, I friend-zone all men who I know have no intention of actually dating me. I want love… the real kind. Not the romance that fades shortly after it begins, but the boring kind of love. The kind that provides comfort..the kind of comfort that makes a person feel at home with their counterpart. I like having a partner. I have no shame in that.

I’ve voiced this in the past to men I’ve “seen” and to friends, and it’s generally unacceptable for millennials to want a commitment. Men have genuinely been confused in the past when I refuse to take anything further and kick them out of my life, because they’re just not in a place where a relationship is feasible.

Well, gents of 2016, not all of us want a fuck or makeout buddy. Sorry that you all tend to find us confusing because of that.

Sincerely,

IncrediblySingleAndSlightlyAnnoyed

B&B