New Year, Same Me

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Happy New Year, new friends and old. Cheers to always being the same asshole at 12:01 on January 1st every damn year!

Today I thought I’d take some time to talk about new beginnings:

It’s a new year! This is when we set our intentions for the year, list our goals that we want to achieve over the next 365 days, and really allow ourselves to enjoy that we get to start a brand new chapter. But what about what we’re leaving behind, and what about the stuff that lingered with us into 2016?

I love new beginnings, but it’s hard when it’s different from what I had pictured in the months leading to this new year. I experienced a breakup last year. It’s not my first, and I highly doubt it’ll be my last (I’m just being realistic). I pictured starting this new year with someone who will no longer be in my life, and that still stings a little.

I feel that it’s becoming less socially acceptable to openly talk about sadness, and things that we feel negatively about. Positivity pushers are always so quick to remind you that there is always a silver lining, and though I can be one of those people, I am also someone that says “yes, there is a silver lining, but let me experience this loss and grieve the end of my relationship in a way that is true to me.” New beginnings are beautiful, and should be celebrated, but I can’t put on a party hat and pretend this was a new beginning that I was thrilled to greet.

I wasn’t looking forward to this holiday, guys. I closed a chapter on something I felt hadn’t even gotten the chance to be truly great. In dating years, I feel like I’m 110 a lot of the time. I’m tired of dating, and I’m tired of it not working out. Having something that felt right and great, and then having it not work out had really put a damper on the end of my year. So, I felt really grumpy about New Years. I didn’t even celebrate it. I had no urge to celebrate this holiday that reminded me that I failed.

So, that’s what this post was going to be about. I was going to share my feelings, and leave it on a “sometimes, our emotional baggage lingers with us…and that’s okay” sort of note. And then I was watching parks and rec, and Ron Swanson just got done telling Tom that “ when you fail at something after you’ve given it your best shot, how is that really a failure? ..you still tried. That’s a win!” –it probably seems silly, but I think I really needed to hear that. Even coming from a fictional character in the magic box in my living room, it resonated really well with me..

And that’s how I’m viewing my lingering sad feelings in this New Year: they’re reminders that I tried.

Happy New Year, new friends and old. I hope your 2015 was amazing, and I hope 2016 brings you an immeasurable amount of happy moments.

To Be Continued,
B&B