Women Supporting Women

fem rants 

“There is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.”
 –Madeleine Albright, former United States Ambassador to the United  Nations

 

It’s International Women’s Day, and guess what?? Feminist rants really are my jam! Here’s one of my favorites: the importance of supporting your fellow female badass……


Is there anything more special than having female friends?

I’ve noticed over the years that it appears to be a really trendy thing to label oneself as a “guy’s girl”, or the type of girl who “has more guy friends than girl friends”, because “women attract drama.”  Now, there’s obviously nothing wrong with having an abundance of male friends; I have plenty of guy friends. I’m talking about the women who avoid making friends with women-This has never been true for me. I was raised only by women, and I have been for women and all about women supporting women since before I understood the obstacles that a woman faces throughout her life. I can tell you from a lifetime of fembot training, WOMEN ARE BADASSES. We really are. YOU are a goddess, and so is the girl in the cube next to you. Carry yourself, and your bonds in a manner that pays tribute to that. Support other women; we all need it. No one understands us better than our gender does.

There’s a really special bond between female friends. Whether that bond be because we know what it’s like to have our baby box try to ruin us from the inside every month, or if it’s because we understand what it’s like to be judged the way we are by our appearance (tattooed, pierced, hair colored), by our having (or not having) children, by our choice in clothing, by our lifestyle choices, etc. Women understand women. Men have struggles, too. I’m not invalidating that, but they don’t struggle in the same manner in which a woman will throughout her lifetime.

Why is it important to support your fellow lady?

Women helping other women is the right thing to do. While not the only factor, it is most definitely one of the major arteries on the road to success. After all, what are we all doing here if not to help one another? The old stereotypes about women are tired and frankly, boring. Life is hard. Work is hard. Let’s cut one another a break and give the overly competitive, passive/aggressive and martyr behaviors a permanent rest. It’s time.” *Retrieved from 10 Reasons Why Women Should Support Women


This blogger hit the nail right on the head -what are we doing here if it isn’t to help one another achieve our maximum potential!?  Cutting one another down doesn’t do either party any good. No woman benefits from treating other women as if they aren’t worth our energy. In the work place, it’s tougher to gain respect as a woman than it is a man (this is widely known) -help a sister out! Don’t use the age-old excuse of “I had to fight to get where I am; she should, too!” False. She shouldn’t. If someone before you had done her part, your path wouldn’t have been riddled with difficulty. Do.Your.Part

ovaries

Author of “The Woman Code”, Sophia Nelson has a twenty tips to her fellow woman on how to navigate the waters of empowering your fellow sister. Here are a few that I found helpful from an article I discovered about female empowerment along with my personal thoughts:

  1. Steer Clear of women who “don’t do female friends”
    I swear I just said this. Oh, wait.. it’s because I did. This is a complete bullshit trend. I choose to believe the women who choose this path, choose it out of the ignorance of not having had fruitful female bonds in the past. It’s good to steer clear without judging her for her choices. Never put her down, but remember that you are the company you keep, ladies. If she’s someone who doesn’t “do girlfriends”, then she probably doesn’t have similar priorities or social tendencies as you and you can respectfully side-step and find a new friend elsewhere. Her interests don’t align with yours, and it’s difficult to maintain friendships when someone doesn’t support your beliefs.
  2. Collaborate and Share
    This is a lot similar to the excerpt from the blog that I inserted above. Her angle is to come together to achieve greatness, instead of competing the way society wants us to. Tell your girls the stuff they need to hear: you ARE beautiful, you ARE worth it, you CAN do this, etc. This concept can be as drastic as major life decisions, to the smallest decisions -no one buys $300 shoes without asking her best girl if she really needs them (which is likely a “fuck-no”. Homie, no one actually needs $300 shoes. Get a budget app, and then come back to me on whether or not you can afford those heals.)
  3. Be A Mentor
    This is one of those situations where you see someone struggling with something you (or someone close to you) has struggled with. Talk about it. Share your experience. Assist them in tackling this obstacle. Everyone needs a mentor-especially women.
  4. Pay-it-forward
    When you had someone help you through something, pay it forward. Help them in return. Even if all you give them in return is emotional support, it’s appreciated!
  5. Never Be Afraid to Have Courageous Conversations
    Being a woman is tough. A reported 1 in 5 is sexually assaulted throughout her lifetime. Oh, but to make that number even more saddening, assault in the home (where it occurs most) is HIGHLY under reported. Wouldn’t it be great if this 20% of women spoke to other women about their experiences,  in an effort to combat this heart breaking problem as well as starting the healing process for these other women. BE COURAGEOUS. Talk about stuff that’s uncomfortable. You never know who needs to hear your story, to gain the courage to share theirs.

In order to give this topic the respect it deserves, I’d have to start an entirely new blog dedicated to it …I promise I will, someday. Women are badasses, but we need to support each other in order to truly thrive as a gender at this point in time. Gender equality isn’t where it should be yet: we still have work to do. So be courageous and have those uncomfortable talks with others; be a mentor; help someone at work that you see a little of yourself in; pay-it-forward; stay away from men and women who don’t support your beliefs; collaborate and share- I’m here, supporting you, and telling you -you ARE great in all that you tackle in life. Be brilliant, and be advocates for one another.

 To Be Continued,

B&B

 

 

 

 

Unsent Messages

To the man who describes himself as a broken-hearted hero, 

I thought love was jealous, fragile, and painful. I thought everyone who loved deeply, did so complicatedly. 

Since you, I’ve discovered love through the purest of sources: friendship and kindness. 

The kind of love that makes me feel seen. The kind of love that makes me feel heard. 

It’s that kind of familial love I didn’t realize I already knew, and had no idea I would someday gain even more of. 

Because of what I’ve learned since you, I was ready for him. To see him. To hear him. To love him. 

I’m thankful for where my path has brought me. I hope you can say the same. 

Sincerely, 

The confident queen who walked away

Representing the reality

I haven’t written in a while, as I’ve been busy moving all over the place and starting a new job. Also, I found myself in a funk recently, as I tend to do when my life gets overwhelming and I see areas that I should be doing better in. I’ve been trying to stay away from comparing myself to others for as long as I could remember, but it didn’t dawn on me until recently that I compare myself to an inaccurate memory of my own past performance. Funks are hard to get out of… but I’m finally to a point where I feel positive, and like my normal self.

What helped me address my funk was realizing that the reality of myself and my past was not well represented. This is the time of Instagram… we take 40 photos of ourselves in a given situation, choose the most flattering one, post it, and delete the 39 undesirables. How the hell is anyone supposed to maintain a positive self-concept if we don’t accurately represent ourselves? This isn’t to suggest that my entire self-esteem revolves around how I look, but when I’m already feeling like I’m under-performing my past…old Instagram photos sure aren’t doing me any favors.

The same could be said about our society… we have models that don’t represent a true sample of the population, our entertainers are paid to look their absolute best and shamed when they don’t………which just leads to more and more of us “regulars” feelings like the unperformed. Of late, I’d been really harsh on myself for gaining 8 lbs in the last year, and not keeping up with my good habits. I would send myself into shame spirals just by looking at old Instagram photos, and thinking “I had it together back then…what the fuck happened this year?”  Well, what happened is that I’m human, and sometimes humans fluctuate in weight, and go through life ruts. What matters to me is being healthy, and feeling good about myself and the cosmos. The rest will sort itself out.

I saw something recently that said “love yourself in the same way you so freely love others,” and I was like “holy fuck, I would never shame someone for going through a rut or for feeling like they’ve been under-performing their past. I’d fucking lift them up and make them feel supported and smothered by my love!” -So, why the hell shouldn’t I do that for myself? …I should. YOU SHOULD. We ALL should.

I turned 25 this year, and even though I do practice quite a bit of self love….it’s good to be reminded that I’m not done learning how to love and accept myself as I am: human. Maybe I’ll look at those 39 “undesirables” with more love next time, and definitely not delete every single one of them, because I’ve learned (time after time) that that does more harm than good. And maybe I’ll work on smothering my own self with love, by lifting myself up the way I would my loved ones.

26 is going to be a good year for me, and I’m looking forward to taking this lesson into the new year with me.

P.S. Guys, today is our one year anniversary and we hit 11k followers this month….that’s fucking outrageous. I could never imagine that I would have fallen head over heals with a project in the way that I did when I created this with the help of my “team” (aka besties). Holy shit. Instagram is the bulk of what brings traffic onto this site, so if you want (sometimes) hourly updates on where I’m at with life be sure to follow us on IG @BasicAndBipolar.

Thank you for all the IG, FB, and WP love!! I can’t even begin to express my gratitude over having so many genuine people follow along. We’re all so lucky to share our stories and path with all of you.

xx

To Be Continued,

B&B

File This Under Things Not Worth Our Time

Guys, I really don’t give a fuck about a divorcing couple I’ve never met. We all have issues we’re passionate about, let’s focus on those. Let’s focus on what’s going on around us & in the world…not what’s going on in the bedrooms of Hollywood’s finest. 🙏❤️🌍 #TooManyBrangelinaMemesAndHeadlines #SoapboxMomentOver

Sexist Drivel Part I

So, this blog Return of Kings??

Apparently this blog is of this “neomasculinist’ movement… because at some point masculinity became old hat and left our male dominated world?? Anyway, It’s been highly publicized lately, as one of their writers allegedly promotes legalizing rape on private property.

Did anyone else’s jaw drop when they read that? So, here’s the dirt: in his 2015 blog post, he was quoted as saying: “I propose that we make the violent taking of a woman not punishable by law when done off public grounds. If rape becomes legal under my proposal, a girl will protect her body in the same manner that she protects her purse and smartphone.” – Author and founder of this gem of a website and movement, Daryush ‘Roosh’ Valizadeh, said his comment was meant to be satire…………………..

*I must also add two things: the author of the post in question/creator of this site is a self-professed relationship guru. He gives dating advice on his site. And it’s hilarious. WHAT A STUD. And second: I have NOT found an actual publication talking about being pro-rape legalization outside of the quoted phrase above. To be honest, I got too sick of weeding through the sexist drivel to continue searching.

But here are a few of the highlights (along with my thoughts) from my trip through this website. Feel free to click the links and read them for yourselves.

8 Things That Make A Girl Stupid And Useless

  1. Bars & Clubs. -Sure. Sure. *rolls eyes*
  2. Social Media -Right, we should all be hiding in our towers, waiting for someone to save us, so we can debut our faces in public after we’re married.
  3. Careers -I totally agree. Women in the workplace? Gross. All jobs should be given to men. Including blowing. Hetero misogynist douche bags can take that job, too.
  4. Colleges and Universities -Because what woman needs an education when these lovely gents have so much knowledge to drop on us? *College Educated Feminist and proud, asshat.
  5. Smartphones -Awww….but I just learned what all of those buttons, and doodads did!
  6. Shopping Malls -Yes, we all love malls…because we have tits, so obviously we all just live at the fucking mall.
  7. Movies and Television Shows –Same as #6…we all have tits, so obviously we watch the same shows…..and they make us dumber by the hour (or 45 min. depends on the show)
  8. White Knights and Male Feminists -Those damn white knights and male feminists….THEY RUIN EVERYTHING BY SUPPORTING US!!

I’m surprised this list didn’t include “#10: Having a Heartbeat also makes women stupid”. Do these guys even like women?? It doesn’t sound like it. I don’t know about you guys, but I think these guys sound like a bunch of 10’s. I bet they get all of the dates.

Never Date A Woman Who Takes One Of These Prescription Drugs (feel free to check this doozy out on your own)

The author lists 10 different commonly prescribed antidepressants (brand name and generic name), and urges other men to investigate their potential partners. He recommends they check the bathroom medicine cabinet (obviously), the purse, the car, the nightstand, etc. ALL in the name of finding out of she takes antidepressants. He later goes on to say this: “These pill popping broads are not to be taken seriously in any way, shape, or form—they’re losers. And what do losers do? They fucking lose, and they’ll bring your ass along for the ride if you let them. Just because these women get their drugs from a pharmacist, and not some low-life drug dealer working a street corner, doesn’t mean their issues have legitimacy.”

Well, from this “batshit ho-bag from America” to all of you,

I get my Prozac from CVS (not a drug dealer), and it’s white…not green………..So, there’s that. -Can we all just take a minute to consider what sort of human this man is? A man that not only demeans women who take prescription medications, but also warns other men to stay away. How gross. It’s 2016, how do men like this still exist? It is completely unacceptable to shame ANYONE for taking care of their mental health.

Mental health is a serious and important thing. Fuck everyone that tells any of you otherwise. EMBRACE who you are, and what got you to where you are….baggage and all! You are perfect the way you are. We all are.

*sidenote: so, SSRI’s (selective seratonin reuptake inhibitors= used for seratonin imbalances) are completely unacceptable, but there’s no mention of actual narcotics being unacceptable?? So, your girl can be an addict (not of Xanax though, because it’s used for anxiety)…she just can not be depressed, have anxiety, or have any other personality disorder that requires an ‘upper’?

Like I said in the beginning, I could NOT find anything tying the site to a “pro-rape” agenda.

I really do believe, after having read several pieces by these men, that the author and creator of that site was being a sexist jerk who thinks rape is a woman’s problem and not a societal problem. I believe his “satirical” statement was said in a “if we legalize rape, maybe they’ll stop being sluts and actually protect themselves.” sort of way. Is he pro-rape legalization? Probably not. Is he a sexist asshole who thinks rape is a woman’s fault and problem? Yeah, probably.

Shutting down ignorance like this website is hugely important to becoming a better world. Let’s not get caught up in a media frenzy over one single line he said months ago. Lets instead look at the website as a whole and say “no, this is unacceptable.” -Return of kings has a really large following, so it’s not like there are a handful of men out there that live by these mindsets. There’s a massive amount of them, so it’s going to take a massive amount of opposing thinkers to shut down their sexist and hateful spewing.

What do you guys think of this site, have you read about it already?

To Be Continued,

B&B

Transphobic Remarks at the Golden Globes

I wanted to take a break from my typical life musings to talk about the Golden Globe controversy.

Ricky Gervais was accused of being transphobic at the Golden Globes (click highlighted name to view footage).

In the video, Gervais says:  “I’m going to be nice tonight. I’ve changed. Not as much as Bruce Jenner, obviously… now Caitlyn Jenner. What a year she’s had. She became a role model for trans people everywhere, showing great bravery in breaking down barriers and destroying stereotypes … She didn’t do a lot for women drivers, but you can’t have everything, can you?”

After receiving a lot of criticism for his choice of jest, he published a few related tweets:


What do you guys think? Is that transphobic? …as a follower of his career, I find it to be typical Gervais sexism comedy. I expect nothing less from him -not that I deem casual sexism acceptable in the slightest. I’m having a hard time viewing these comments as transphobic, and I also think these allegations towards him might be distracting us from discussing the frequency of casual sexism in comedy routines.

I want to hear your thoughts -my opinions are only that of one woman. How do you feel about his comments?

B&B 

NoChillChicksHere

image

I am the furthest thing from being a “cool chick”.

This is my dating reality: 

I have no idea how to navigate the dating world. I know what type of relationship I want, but I have no idea how to weed through contenders. You’d think I’d have better asshole radar after a decade of dating, but I don’t. And I want to stab myself in the eye every time I hear the phrase “I’m just looking for a chill chick to, you know, hang with.”

Let’s discuss the phenomenon that is “the cool chick”

This concept is one that is pushed on women a lot. I absolutely hate the concept of her. She’s not real: she’s a sexist concept that was probably created by beer commercials.  From what I gather, a “cool” or “chill” chick is the following: unbothered by flakey-ness, DTF always, never gets too emotional, never gets jealous, loves “dude” activities (whatever that means), doesn’t need relationship labels, she’s adventurous, fearless, and is basically a guy with tits.

I have a few ladies in my coven that would fit the majority of those characteristics…but never too emotional? Always unbothered by flakey-ness? …that’s where I, and most women get lost: flakey-ness should never be tolerated, and being emotional is not a negative behavior. We should celebrate uniqueness from one another, and our emotions are one of those unique things we should not be ashamed to celebrate.

If someone stands me up or flakes on me multiple times, I will probably rid my life of that person (romantic or not). I don’t always like “dude” activities -I hate video games (if that’s a dude activity), and I only have sports knowledge when it’s relevant to me. I like labels (and label makers!), as I find that they assist in providing comfort in budding relationships. I am pretty adventurous, but I’m not even mildly fearless…. as I am afraid of almost everything. I am extremely emotional, and I have no shame in letting it be known that I basically have multiple personalities.

Yeah, I’m definitely not an ideal “cool chick”, and dating in my mid-twenties has been a total grab bag of mixed results. Unrealistic expectations make dating even harder. Women are not two-dimensional creatures. You can’t get the woman that loves sports, AND likes to keep things casual for THREE years. That’s not a thing, guys. We have complex personalities. We aren’t…men. I will probably always be adventurous, but also extremely neurotic and love labels (of all kinds).

Basically, dating in my twenties is the worst. And down with this “chill chick” concept!

To Be Continued,

B&B