Why Millennial Men Find Women Like Me Confusing

This actually made me laugh, because I give this friend shit constantly.

But to further explain the likely cause of his and most men’s confusion with women: he’s a millennial who enjoys casual dating. Not promiscuity, but actual dating. He’s definitely a gentleman (and is generally very wonderful) but he actually dates around for fun. Are there any women out there who enjoy that? ….Homies, that might be why you don’t understand women: most of us actually hate casual dating.

Let’s discuss casual dating in situations I’ve been in: we talk a lot, we like each other, we either have sex or just “fool around”, we do things together, we never get too “couple-y”,  I’m treated like I’m just “one of the boys”, and I always feel on edge and like I can’t relax. *There’s definitely ZERO type of commitment that provides any sense of security.

Now, I  can’t speak for all women, I can only speak for myself but casual dating has been nothing but bullshit for me.

As a result of being the anti-casual chick, I friend-zone all men who I know have no intention of actually dating me. I want love… the real kind. Not the romance that fades shortly after it begins, but the boring kind of love. The kind that provides comfort..the kind of comfort that makes a person feel at home with their counterpart. I like having a partner. I have no shame in that.

I’ve voiced this in the past to men I’ve “seen” and to friends, and it’s generally unacceptable for millennials to want a commitment. Men have genuinely been confused in the past when I refuse to take anything further and kick them out of my life, because they’re just not in a place where a relationship is feasible.

Well, gents of 2016, not all of us want a fuck or makeout buddy. Sorry that you all tend to find us confusing because of that.

Sincerely,

IncrediblySingleAndSlightlyAnnoyed

B&B

Proud Neo-liberal Beyoncé Feminist! 

So, bumble (the dating app) spoke out about a woman being verbally abused by a male user, and I’m getting all sorts of feisty over it:

HelloGiggles covers the story pretty well if you want to read what bumble had to say in response to the screenshot above.

If you’ve ever been on Tinder or Bumble, you’ve probably encountered a Connor-type. He’s a classic “I have too much to offer you, so tread lightly” type. My most recent encounter with one of those was when I matched with Legarrette Blount  last summer, and he told me I should consider myself “lucky”, because he’s picky. – 😳 ahem…excuse me?! Who the fuck are you!? (I had to google him to figure out who the hell he was) And I’m still NOT impressed, but his name sure as hell stuck with me!

I digress, it’s crazy that this Connor guy’s prestigious degree didn’t instill any sense of decency or humbleness in him. What a great way to impress the world with a fancy degree, Connor. We thank you for even allowing the rest of us to coexist with your ego. *barf*

This guys is a massive jerk, and I hope he finds exactly what he’s looking for in a counterpart… A giant bag of dicks.

Oh, and to all the haters of state schools… We got the same education, but I paid for mine myself.  *flips hair*  #ProudASUalum

For Her, Forgotten

She quietly died in a room where no one had bothered to change the calendar in for five years.
It was a decision she had made a few months before but never found the courage to go through with. That was largely in part of her never being alone.

Before then, I had left her side only once. It was something I deeply regretted but learned to forget over time.

I knew how much it hurt, but she said, “The heart heals because it’s made to take chances.” That never made me feel better, but it did give me a reason to breathe.

But by and by, the air grew thin until we found ourselves struggling to find enough for the both of us again. Or maybe she was just choosing not to take her share.

Fearing suffocation, or perhaps embracing the outcome more than she thought possible, she secluded herself to a small box to keep her safe from me. Or so I thought.

As the days passed, I couldn’t bear the stinging absence of her lips on mine. I couldn’t stand the sight of her not standing next to me, or the feeling of my fingers being able to touch in the void that her’s once filled.

So I found her there, her heart not quite healed but unable to break ever again.

Her lifeless lips with no intention to ever touch mine; her limp body with no means of standing next to me; her fingers unable to place themselves in the void they once filled.

She quietly died in a room where no one had even bothered to change the calendar in for five years.

The Guy With The Shed

For those of you who are new followers, this is Jane, and I was a serial dater all summer. In part, for a project, but also because it was entertaining trying on different personalities for a bunch of men I will never see again.

On a night that Joan and I went dancing, we met a couple of guys that clung to us like you would not believe. They were nice, so it wasn’t that bad at first, but we eventually had to shake them. I was a little too drunk to lie when one asked for my number, so I apparently gave it to him. Over the next couple of weeks, he kept trying to get me to go on a date with him.

I should add that through some questionable connections, I have a lot of investigative “resources” that I utilize often when men try to date me or date my girlfriends. So, Joan(roommate) and I decided to get some info on this guy to see if he was as decent as he lead on.

It’s not hard to get a read off of someone just after you’ve seen their social media. He read like a douchey player. I politely declined his first few attempts to go on a date. After he wasn’t accepting my efforts to brush him off,  Joan and I decided to mess with him. We googled his home address (google maps is a really creepy thing) and saw his home and what looked like a creepy, rusting shed.  So, then this happened:

 (I renamed him ‘Snorin’, because he was boring and it rhymed with his name)

After that exchange, Snorin was freaked out. He kept asking me how I found his address, and said “I won’t take you on a date unless you tell me how you found my address. Seriously.” I replied “I completely understand. Take care. Xx”, and I never heard from Snorin again.

The photo above was from when the conversation took place. I no longer have his number in my phone, and we have no friends in common but for some reason Facebook thinks basicandbipolar’s account knows him. Well, you caught me Facebook. I creeped the fuck out of that fuckyboy once. Poor Snorin’.

Well, guys…it’s no wonder why I’m single. But to be honest, I have yet to meet my match. When I do, I probably won’t be a complete jackass. *fingers crossed*

To be continued,

B&B

Fuckboy Spotting 

In my opinion, a “fuckboy” is any homie who thinks he can use as many women as he’d like for whatever he wants!

Young/old, tall/short, big dick/small dick…they’re all the same: not interested in relationships, and just present for a free show.

If you’re also sick of fuckboys, Adam Ray has got your back on how to spot the little shits:

“Wait for something more organic…”

First of all, who the fuck actually does that!?

And second: am I the only one who finds it incredibly condescending when someone says “you’ll meet him/her when the timing is right. It just has to happen organically.”???  -I like the idea of not having to put forth effort, but nothing actually happens organically. I’d love to say I’m not pushy, but I am. I’m always making moves to get things accomplished. Nothing great in my life has ever happened organically. I had to put in a sufficient amount of effort to make ANYTHING work.

I’m 25, and have been dating for a decade. Yes, there are women out there who have been dating in their adulthood a lot longer than I, but I’m exhausted.

My type has gone from so narrow and picky that it was comedic, to “must be a decent human being, with whom I can have great conversations and moments with.” -I obviously want to be attracted to them, but I tend to find intellect and a mutual connection more attractive with my aging. He doesn’t have to be freakishly tall, foreign, funny, bilingual,  5+ years older, dark, and handsome. <I told you it was comedic>

He can be a normal human being, because I am a normal human being. I mean, I think I’m a catch, but I’m not Giselle Bündchen.

So, how the F**K do I go about “bumping into” this normal and sophisticated gent in an organic fashion? ….Do I hover over Tolstoy at the old bookstore, with hopes that I’ll have a meetcute with some cutie who ALSO is obsessed with early 19th century literature? -Come on, guys… that’s not actually a thing.  Meeting people organically is total bullshit. So, until then… the cutie in the produce section will have to do.

To Be Continued,

IncrediblySingle&SlightlyAnnoyed

B&B

 

Relationship Milestones

 

Relationship milestones are a total right-of-passage, and these “benchmarks” are hilarious and spot-on

I can’t say I’ve had anyone go to the bathroom while I was brushing teeth -that would be disturbing- but I do remember the first time I went without makeup in front of a mate. I don’t wear a lot of makeup, but it was freeing to have a clean face and relax without worrying about falling asleep with mascara on (because it’s the absolute worst).

I have had a few ladies message me, to talk to me about the phases of adjustment in a new relationship. Sometimes adjustments are awkward and uncomfortable.

Relationships new and old: how many of you remember these milestones?? These little (but big) relationship  “benchmarks” should be celebrated, because as I’ve said, relationships are fucking hard and any victory (small or big) is a win!

To Be Continued,

B&B

Drunk Text That Ex

imageUnless you’re me, and your drunk alter ego is a shady c**t who erases all evidence that you drunk texted AND called your ex the night before.

This is why it’s important to deal with our shit during the day, guys… If we push our feelings down, they’ll bubble up and demand to be acknowledged when we’re in NO capacity to deal with them.

I’m Basic&Bipolar, and I am a chronic drunk texter.

So, apparently after four+ vodkas, I decided to tell my ex he still hasn’t given my movies back after several requests, and “damnit I want them back. They’re mine, you fuck!” -which is wildly embarrassing, and we all know how well anyone would comply to a request like that.

Are any of you equally as embarrassing when drunk and irritated!? -Because I’m embarrassing, and I love a good ‘hot mess’ story! I want to hear ‘m -I know I’m not the only crazy ass out there!

To Be Continued,

B&B

Stagnation

 Relationships without passion: they happen to us all

Lately, I’ve been thinking about romantic relationship dynamics  and the people in my life who I think are either just tolerating their relationships or are wildly unhappy. And from what I’ve noticed in the love lives of my friends and family members, it seems to be a theme that a person ought to settle until something better comes along… Or they stay in these stagnant (and non-passionate) relationships because there’s so much history there.

This realization obviously saddens me (and should sadden us all), because these loved ones are not only settling, but nurturing an unwanted flower with tainted water. Relationships are fucking hard any time two people are involved (I say two people, because my cat and I get along beautifully).

Why bother putting work into a relationship with someone who you don’t really feel excited to be with?

These musings came to me while I was with my friend, discussing a relationship that ended a lifetime ago. It was a saga that went on for years, and it took me a really long time to realize that this individual didn’t give the slightest shit about what was important to me in life. All of the causes that are near and dear to my heart, he never asked about or took interest in my thoughts on them. This was someone who allegedly loved me, but never really knew or liked anything about me as a societal being. The stuff I care about and invest my time into is a HUGE part of who I am. Looking back, I can’t really figure out why he hung around so long if he had no interest in the entirety of who I am.

So, I then decided to look at the relationships of my loved ones….and that’s how I arrived at the mindset that a lot of them are just waiting around until they find something better. Someone whose interests better align with theirs.

After it took so long for me to realize that my past relationship was just a place-holder for a better mate, I never want to be in that type of relationship again. I want to be excited to be with someone; I want to feel honored to be in their life, and vice versa-and I want all of these things for my loved ones (this extends to each of my beautiful readers).

Maybe I’m wrong, and there’s nothing wrong with settling. These are just the musings of one woman.

To Be Continued,

B&B

Transphobic Remarks at the Golden Globes

I wanted to take a break from my typical life musings to talk about the Golden Globe controversy.

Ricky Gervais was accused of being transphobic at the Golden Globes (click highlighted name to view footage).

In the video, Gervais says:  “I’m going to be nice tonight. I’ve changed. Not as much as Bruce Jenner, obviously… now Caitlyn Jenner. What a year she’s had. She became a role model for trans people everywhere, showing great bravery in breaking down barriers and destroying stereotypes … She didn’t do a lot for women drivers, but you can’t have everything, can you?”

After receiving a lot of criticism for his choice of jest, he published a few related tweets:


What do you guys think? Is that transphobic? …as a follower of his career, I find it to be typical Gervais sexism comedy. I expect nothing less from him -not that I deem casual sexism acceptable in the slightest. I’m having a hard time viewing these comments as transphobic, and I also think these allegations towards him might be distracting us from discussing the frequency of casual sexism in comedy routines.

I want to hear your thoughts -my opinions are only that of one woman. How do you feel about his comments?

B&B