So, bumble (the dating app) spoke out about a woman being verbally abused by a male user, and I’m getting all sorts of feisty over it:
HelloGiggles covers the story pretty well if you want to read what bumble had to say in response to the screenshot above.
If you’ve ever been on Tinder or Bumble, you’ve probably encountered a Connor-type. He’s a classic “I have too much to offer you, so tread lightly” type. My most recent encounter with one of those was when I matched with Legarrette Blount last summer, and he told me I should consider myself “lucky”, because he’s picky. – 😳 ahem…excuse me?! Who the fuck are you!? (I had to google him to figure out who the hell he was) And I’m still NOT impressed, but his name sure as hell stuck with me!
I digress, it’s crazy that this Connor guy’s prestigious degree didn’t instill any sense of decency or humbleness in him. What a great way to impress the world with a fancy degree, Connor. We thank you for even allowing the rest of us to coexist with your ego. *barf*
This guys is a massive jerk, and I hope he finds exactly what he’s looking for in a counterpart… A giant bag of dicks.
Oh, and to all the haters of state schools… We got the same education, but I paid for mine myself. *flips hair* #ProudASUalum
Today in Podcasts You Should Be Obsessed With: Kicking and Screaming, brought to you by Jenna and Bodhi Elfman.
There’s seriously nothing I love more than a couple that has been together for basically ever and they do nothing but keep it real.
This is the time of Facebook and Instagram posts, declaring undying love for a soulmate. Well, I don’t know about any of yall, but I’ve never dated an actual unicorn…and I’ve also never done heroine, so the euphoria these people express towards their lovers just confuses the shit out of me. Real love, to me, is someone who chooses you daily, and can still say “God, you’re fucking annoying sometimes. Still love you though!”
I love LOVE love watching their podcasts. Jenna Elfman will for ever be my favorite hippy queen; Dharma, and their relationship is REAL. They actually express their annoyances towards one another.
Check out their podcast, Kicking and Screaming, where they talk life, sex, parenting, and the perils of trying to get to your flight on time when your kid has to take the biggest number two there ever was.
Like most, as soon as I got a notification that Queen Bey dropped a new video, I ran straight to my computer. I got chills the first time I watched the video. Not only is it hauntingly artistic, but her message is so powerful and I believe to be incredibly pertinent to the growth of our society. I have grown tired of reading White Conservative drivel that bashes her halftime performance and video, claiming that it’s an attempt to elicit Malcolm X-type behavior out of the young black community.
I came across this article, and sharing it on my Facebook was not enough. I wanted to share it with the masses.
Enjoy, and share your thoughts! Please be reminded that none of us here at B&B endorse the poor treatment of others, so any hate-speak will be deleted and blocked. Thanks for the read, beautiful humans and non-humans. -B&B
On Saturday night, I sent a group text to several friends as we were on our way to meet for drinks. It consisted solely of a screen capture from Beyoncé’s new video for Formation and the words: “We must discuss this shit.”
Everyone knew exactly what I was talking about.
My best friend’s answer: “Did Beyoncé just make a statement about the black feminine body defeating the police state?”
Formation is both provocation and pleasure; inherently political and a deeply personal look at the black and queer bodies who have most often borne the brunt of our politics. All shapes and shades of black bodies are signaled here and move – dare we say “forward”? – in formation. Even the song’s title is subversive, winking at how we have constructed our identities from that which we were even allowed to call our own.
Formation isn’t Beyoncé’s first foray into the political but, in her latest collaboration with director Melinda Matouskas (who has directed eight of Beyoncé’s videos since 2007), Beyonce’s narrative and aesthetic comes in sharp relief. The video articulates multiple identities of southern blackness, while social critiques of the nation’s crimes against its darker skinned citizens acts as ballast.
Bookended by the flooding of the city of New Orleans after 2005’s Hurricane Katrina – and by which the city’s black residents were disproportionately affected – and a black child in a hoodie dancing opposite a police line and a quick cut to graffiti words “stop shooting us”, Beyoncé morphs into several archetypical southern black women.
The potency of Formation doesn’t come from its overt politics: it comes from the juxtaposition of lyric with the images, which organically present black humanity in ways we’ve haven’t seen frequently represented in popular art or culture.
There is in it a litany of blackness, of what we love, of our diverse selves, of our intersections – class, sexuality and gender – woven so neatly in the visual that the lyrics and music seem secondary, but are intrinsic to communicating this celebration of southern fried blackness. Even Beyoncé retells her own history and by extension, marries the contradictions of black identity in her declaration: “My daddy Alabama, Mama Louisiana. You mix that Negro with that Creole make a Texas bama” – an insult that, perhaps, only Beyoncé was ever capable of reclaiming.
Beyoncé’s use of “slay” is an additional embrace of the language of the black queer community and, in its repetition, it’s an incantation that can slay haters, slay patriarchy, to slay white supremacy.
Formation is a protest and celebration, concerned with and in love with the very particular paradox of the black American identity and experience. The images, which are deeply layered and particular to a black Southern vernacular and aesthetic, beg to be catalogued: Creole and Black American, Mardi Gras Indian, crawfish, Black cowboys, wig shops, socks and slippers, corsets and parasols, parades, high school basketball, step team moves, bounce queens Big Freedia and Messy Mya, cotillions, “twirl on dem haters”, braids, “bama”, black spirituality (church and hoodoo, maybe even a nod to Mami Wata), black mama side eyes, drawls, Blue Ivy black girl magic fierceness.
It’s old and new south; it’s dark and dirty south; it’s Chantilly lace and denim jacket south; it’s baby afro, baby hair and pink and purple wig south; it’s second line and pentecostal holy ghost south; it’s southern gothic and bounce south; it’s my granny, grandaddy, auntie, uncle, cousin south. It is us, it’s for us, and it’s not concerned if white people understand.
I can’t help, while watching and re-watching Formation, being reminded of this Nina Simone interview, in which she defines her role as an artist aligned with activism and black cultural aesthetics.
I think what you are trying to ask is why am I so insistent in giving out to them that blackness that black power that black … pushing them to identify with black culture. I think that’s what you’re asking … my job is to somehow make them curious enough or persuade them by hook or crook to get more aware of themselves and where they came from and what they are into and what is already there and just to bring it out. This is what compels me to compel them.
In this spirit, Formation compels its viewers to acknowledge the beautiful complexity of history, culture and customs, with levity and passion. It compels us to reclaim the black American narrative from its margin and make it center.
These representations of black life are critical renderings of the range of our humanity, and they seem so unique here – as they did in Kendrick Lamar’soffering last year – because we are so underrepresented in our beauty and diversity in television and film. (One notable exception is the documentary The B.E.A.T., from which Beyoncé and director Matouskas sourced some of their New Orleans footage with permission of the Sundance Channel, which owns the rights. They later thanked the directors publicly and noted that they were credited appropriately for the footage.)
But the politics were not an afterthought for Beyoncé: the date of the release of this work can’t be ignored, given that February is Black History Month in the US. Mardi Gras festivities in New Orleans have already begun. More to the point, last Friday would have been the 21st birthday of Trayvon Martin, killed by George Zimmerman in 2012 in a shooting widely attributed to racism; Sunday would have been the 29th birthday of Sandra Bland, whose alleged suicide in prison in 2015 after a brutal and poorly justified arrest captured on camera led to unsuccessful calls for further investigation into her death.
Both were considered formative moments for the women and gay men who have been at the forefront of Black Lives Matter and, more broadly, the movement for black lives.
Formation as a work of popular art is clever in its acknowledgment of the labor of black women as soldiers and leaders in social justice movements, even though popular culture has been more interested in the role of men and of male performing artists – like Usher, Kendrick Lamar, Common, Pharell, J Cole, and John Legend, Run The Jewels – in the wider conversation and activism around the crisis of police violence and black community.
But the image of black women synchronizing their bodies in dance juxtaposed with the lyric, “You know you that bitch when you cause all this conversation” is signifier for many of black women who have felt ignored and marginalized in their own movement. Beyoncé’s almost exclusive use of black women and black queer bodies in Formation underscores the gender inequity of the visibility of black lives lost to violence (and the movement dedicated to eradicating it), in which the pain and death to which black women and black queer and transgender people are subjected, become invisible and subordinate to black cisgender men and the white gaze.
Formation exists in a canon of black protest art and may now formally align Beyoncé with other black artists who have supported and boosted social justice movements by black Americans. (Tidal, the music service owned by Beyoncé’s husband Jay Z that currently has the exclusive sales rights to Formation,announced a $1.5m donation to Black Lives Matter and related charities on Friday.)
Beyoncé’s work shows that revolution can be beautiful; protest and celebration are not contradictions when imagining a black future that isn’t overrun by images of black pain and death. In the video’s concluding sequence, the black child in a hoodie “gets light”; his dance is a challenge to, but still in dialogue with, a police line in formation. His dance concludes as he raises his hands up in surrender; the police line raises their hands up in response. (Should the message be unclear, a quick cut to a graffiti wall with the words “stop shooting us”.)
And then, tantamount to a sacrifice, Beyoncé, using the weight of her own body, sinks a police patrol car into the flood waters to birth a new future. Women and children can bring that future to pass, it says; maybe, it’s saying, only women and children can.
Apparently this blog is of this “neomasculinist’ movement… because at some point masculinity became old hat and left our male dominated world?? Anyway, It’s been highly publicized lately, as one of their writers allegedly promotes legalizing rape on private property.
Did anyone else’s jaw drop when they read that? So, here’s the dirt: in his 2015 blog post, he was quoted as saying: “I propose that we make the violent taking of a woman not punishable by law when done off public grounds. If rape becomes legal under my proposal, a girl will protect her body in the same manner that she protects her purse and smartphone.” – Author and founder of this gem of a website and movement, Daryush ‘Roosh’ Valizadeh, said his comment was meant to be satire…………………..
*I must also add two things: the author of the post in question/creator of this site is a self-professed relationship guru. He gives dating advice on his site. And it’s hilarious. WHAT A STUD. And second: I have NOT found an actual publication talking about being pro-rape legalization outside of the quoted phrase above. To be honest, I got too sick of weeding through the sexist drivel to continue searching.
But here are a few of the highlights (along with my thoughts) from my trip through this website. Feel free to click the links and read them for yourselves.
Social Media -Right, we should all be hiding in our towers, waiting for someone to save us, so we can debut our faces in public after we’re married.
Careers -I totally agree. Women in the workplace? Gross. All jobs should be given to men. Including blowing. Hetero misogynist douche bags can take that job, too.
Colleges and Universities -Because what woman needs an education when these lovely gents have so much knowledge to drop on us? *College Educated Feminist and proud, asshat.
Smartphones -Awww….but I just learned what all of those buttons, and doodads did!
Shopping Malls -Yes, we all love malls…because we have tits, so obviously we all just live at the fucking mall.
Movies and Television Shows –Same as #6…we all have tits, so obviously we watch the same shows…..and they make us dumber by the hour (or 45 min. depends on the show)
White Knights and Male Feminists -Those damn white knights and male feminists….THEY RUIN EVERYTHING BY SUPPORTING US!!
I’m surprised this list didn’t include “#10: Having a Heartbeat also makes women stupid”. Do these guys even like women?? It doesn’t sound like it. I don’t know about you guys, but I think these guys sound like a bunch of 10’s. I bet they get all of the dates.
The author lists 10 different commonly prescribed antidepressants (brand name and generic name), and urges other men to investigate their potential partners. He recommends they check the bathroom medicine cabinet (obviously), the purse, the car, the nightstand, etc. ALL in the name of finding out of she takes antidepressants. He later goes on to say this: “These pill popping broads are not to be taken seriously in any way, shape, or form—they’re losers. And what do losers do? They fucking lose, and they’ll bring your ass along for the ride if you let them. Just because these women get their drugs from a pharmacist, and not some low-life drug dealer working a street corner, doesn’t mean their issues have legitimacy.”
Well, from this “batshit ho-bag from America” to all of you,
I get my Prozac from CVS (not a drug dealer), and it’s white…not green………..So, there’s that. -Can we all just take a minute to consider what sort of human this man is? A man that not only demeans women who take prescription medications, but also warns other men to stay away. How gross. It’s 2016, how do men like this still exist? It is completely unacceptable to shame ANYONE for taking care of their mental health.
Mental health is a serious and important thing. Fuck everyone that tells any of you otherwise. EMBRACE who you are, and what got you to where you are….baggage and all! You are perfect the way you are. We all are.
*sidenote: so, SSRI’s (selective seratonin reuptake inhibitors= used for seratonin imbalances) are completely unacceptable, but there’s no mention of actual narcotics being unacceptable?? So, your girl can be an addict (not of Xanax though, because it’s used for anxiety)…she just can not be depressed, have anxiety, or have any other personality disorder that requires an ‘upper’?
Like I said in the beginning, I could NOT find anything tying the site to a “pro-rape” agenda.
I really do believe, after having read several pieces by these men, that the author and creator of that site was being a sexist jerk who thinks rape is a woman’s problem and not a societal problem. I believe his “satirical” statement was said in a “if we legalize rape, maybe they’ll stop being sluts and actually protect themselves.” sort of way. Is he pro-rape legalization? Probably not. Is he a sexist asshole who thinks rape is a woman’s fault and problem? Yeah, probably.
Shutting down ignorance like this website is hugely important to becoming a better world. Let’s not get caught up in a media frenzy over one single line he said months ago. Lets instead look at the website as a whole and say “no, this is unacceptable.” -Return of kings has a really large following, so it’s not like there are a handful of men out there that live by these mindsets. There’s a massive amount of them, so it’s going to take a massive amount of opposing thinkers to shut down their sexist and hateful spewing.
What do you guys think of this site, have you read about it already?
Unless you’re me, and your drunk alter ego is a shady c**t who erases all evidence that you drunk texted AND called your ex the night before.
This is why it’s important to deal with our shit during the day, guys… If we push our feelings down, they’ll bubble up and demand to be acknowledged when we’re in NO capacity to deal with them.
I’m Basic&Bipolar, and I am a chronic drunk texter.
So, apparently after four+ vodkas, I decided to tell my ex he still hasn’t given my movies back after several requests, and “damnit I want them back. They’re mine, you fuck!” -which is wildly embarrassing, and we all know how well anyone would comply to a request like that.
Are any of you equally as embarrassing when drunk and irritated!? -Because I’m embarrassing, and I love a good ‘hot mess’ story! I want to hear ‘m -I know I’m not the only crazy ass out there!
I wanted to take a break from my typical life musings to talk about the Golden Globe controversy.
Ricky Gervais was accused of being transphobic at the Golden Globes (click highlighted name to view footage).
In the video, Gervais says: “I’m going to be nice tonight. I’ve changed. Not as much as Bruce Jenner, obviously… now Caitlyn Jenner. What a year she’s had. She became a role model for trans people everywhere, showing great bravery in breaking down barriers and destroying stereotypes … She didn’t do a lot for women drivers, but you can’t have everything, can you?”
After receiving a lot of criticism for his choice of jest, he published a few related tweets:
What do you guys think? Is that transphobic? …as a follower of his career, I find it to be typical Gervais sexism comedy. I expect nothing less from him -not that I deem casual sexism acceptable in the slightest. I’m having a hard time viewing these comments as transphobic, and I also think these allegations towards him might be distracting us from discussing the frequency of casual sexism in comedy routines.
I want to hear your thoughts -my opinions are only that of one woman. How do you feel about his comments?
I am the furthest thing from being a “cool chick”.
This is my dating reality:
I have no idea how to navigate the dating world. I know what type of relationship I want, but I have no idea how to weed through contenders. You’d think I’d have better asshole radar after a decade of dating, but I don’t. And I want to stab myself in the eye every time I hear the phrase “I’m just looking for a chill chick to, you know, hang with.”
Let’s discuss the phenomenon that is “the cool chick”
This concept is one that is pushed on women a lot. I absolutely hate the concept of her. She’s not real: she’s a sexist concept that was probably created by beer commercials. From what I gather, a “cool” or “chill” chick is the following: unbothered by flakey-ness, DTF always, never gets too emotional, never gets jealous, loves “dude” activities (whatever that means), doesn’t need relationship labels, she’s adventurous, fearless, and is basically a guy with tits.
I have a few ladies in my coven that would fit the majority of those characteristics…but never too emotional? Always unbothered by flakey-ness? …that’s where I, and most women get lost: flakey-ness should never be tolerated, and being emotional is not a negative behavior. We should celebrate uniqueness from one another, and our emotions are one of those unique things we should not be ashamed to celebrate.
If someone stands me up or flakes on me multiple times, I will probably rid my life of that person (romantic or not). I don’t always like “dude” activities -I hate video games (if that’s a dude activity), and I only have sports knowledge when it’s relevant to me. I like labels (and label makers!), as I find that they assist in providing comfort in budding relationships. I am pretty adventurous, but I’m not even mildly fearless…. as I am afraid of almost everything. I am extremely emotional, and I have no shame in letting it be known that I basically have multiple personalities.
Yeah, I’m definitely not an ideal “cool chick”, and dating in my mid-twenties has been a total grab bag of mixed results. Unrealistic expectations make dating even harder. Women are not two-dimensional creatures. You can’t get the woman that loves sports, AND likes to keep things casual for THREE years. That’s not a thing, guys. We have complex personalities. We aren’t…men. I will probably always be adventurous, but also extremely neurotic and love labels (of all kinds).
Basically, dating in my twenties is the worst. And down with this “chill chick” concept!
Body shaming is something that has been widely discussed over the course of the last 5-7 years. As a society, it’s slowly becoming less and less acceptable to body shame. In Carrie Fisher’s case, she wasn’t just body shamed, she was also age shamed. People were coming down on her for aging and becoming “softer” than he former 20 year old self.
This is something that hits close to home for all of us…
As a culture, we’re expected to be bikini ready, age flawlessly, and always embrace our “true selves”. How can we do the latter while doing the former? You can’t always embrace your natural state if you’re worried about how people will treat you if you’re not bikini-ready. And let’s also discuss that being bikini-ready shouldn’t be a “thing”. The idea that we don’t look beautiful because we don’t look like a Victoria secret model in a two-piece is an abusive social trend. These standards put WAY too much pressure on the average young woman. I can’t even imagine what these standards do to the average aging woman, let alone the aging woman that was once a sex symbol among geeks of all kinds.
Why do we expect more from her?
This all boils down to people’s perception of beautiful people around the world: beautiful people are inherently good, happy, generous, and age well. -This is obviously incredibly false. Beautiful people are human: they eat, they poop, they can be horrible, they can be wonderful, but most of all…they all age!
She IS our Princess Leia A lot of “trolls” were commenting that it was almost as if our princess Leia (that we all know and love) was gone, and replaced by this older and “softer” looking woman. Well, trolls, do you think that Han Solo can be a grandpa-aged man, but Leia will stay in her 20’s forever? -She’s not a vampire, and Star Wars is Science Fiction, not Fantasy: people age in Star Wars. Take your vampire and werewolf anti-aging expectations elsewhere: you’re in the wrong genre of geekdom.
Huffington Post covered a few of the hurtful comments that were tweeted directly to Carrie, and they also provided her classy shut down to all of the haters:“Youth and beauty are not accomplishments. They’re temporary by-products [sic] of time and/or DNA. Don’t hold your breath for either.”
YESSSSSSSSSS. Thank you, Carrie Fisher, you classy classy woman. External beauty is NOT permanent, unless you’re Cher. In her case, she’s invested an immeasurable amount of money to appear as if father time has never been in her presence. Good for her, but also good for everyone else who greets him with grace.
Who says just because someone is a public figure that they have to invest money on anti-aging procedures? Shame on you, anti-aging trolls. Look to your parents and grandparents, and think about someone verbally attacking their physique, via social media, for altering over 40 years. It’s cruel and COMPLETELY unacceptable.
What Carrie Fisher endured was horrifying. The original Star Wars movies came out 40 years ago. If anything, be impressed with the fact that she showed up to honor the original duo that is Luke and Leia. -Yes, she was every nerd’s wet dream in the 70’s: how does that mean she’s not allowed to age as the rest of us do!? And why do nerds of 2016 expect hotness from someone who their moms and dads swooned over in the 70’s?? -Your parents are old as fuck, why wouldn’t a character from their era ALSO be aged??? -Keep this in mind when you allow your internal thoughts to become external thoughts. We’re all human, it’s not uncommon to think “holy crap… I didn’t expect this character to age”, but that’s something we say to our friends, or keep to ourselves. Think before spewing hatred, Internet trollers.
Good for you, Carrie Fisher, for dealing with these cruel comments in such a classy way. I never took a liking to Princess Leia’s character, but Carrie Fisher definitely has a fan in me. Bravo, Madam.
Being an ex is weird, and having one may be even weirder.
You get used to a role, and then you’re suddenly dethroned and everything that had happened between you and your partner is not only in the past, but will likely be discussed with his/her future mate. And depending on how poorly it ended, it could end up being discussed as entertainment in a bar amongst friends and strangers. I had posted earlier about how much I dislike “crazy ex” stories. They seldom portray accuracy, and more often than not, you never find out what lead to this “crazy behavior”.
I had a few different stories messaged and commented onto my Basic&Bipolar Facebook page, and there was a common theme: bad patterns that lead to hurt feelings. I was going to possibly share a few stories that were sent to me, and even one of my own, but I decided against it because I think those stories have probably already been given enough attention by the people who constructed them.
When I hear the phrase “got rid of that crazy bitch”, so much of it saddens me. Partly because she’s a person with feelings, and partly because he’s obviously so ignorant that he has no idea how powerful a phrase like that can be when it’s uttered by someone this person used to love (or may still have lingering feelings for).
I had an ex spin a tale about me, one that (if his audience didn’t know me well) would really question my character as a person. It hurt me deeply when I heard what he had said. Someone I loved had portrayed me as a monster, for the sheer fact that he wasn’t willing to take any responsibility for his role in the demise of our prolonged and messy relationship.
I never understood the need to fabricate stories about exes. I’ve heard blatant lies about myself that were created by my ex, and I thought it was so strange. I am a moody lunatic, and if I have my period, look out world! None of what he said had anything to do with my actual personality or the reality of our breakup. Unfortunately, it did make me wonder if maybe he would have treated me better afterwards had I been less emotional in the end.
It took me a long time to date after hearing such awful things about myself. Why be part of a private relationship if our story will be mutated and rewritten to suit some jerk’s agenda?
I eventually got over it, and did date again. I still think that particular guy can rot, but after the self-doubt passed, I realized he was talking about a fictional person. I am more than the story he depicted. I’m sure some people bought into what he was selling, but I found a certain comfort in him having to lie to make his treatment towards me seem just. It reassured me that the best thing I can do for myself as a person is live my life authentically and to never alter my behavior to suit someone else’s agenda.
I will always be a moody girl who is so agreeable and cool one day, and unapologetically difficult the next. I never depict myself as anything short of that.
Back to you, whoever you may be: if you are a crazy ex or have one, remember that no one’s words can define you but your own. You’re the only author of YOUR story, so depict your reality the truest way you can, by being yourself regardless of what anyone says about you. You can never be certain that someone won’t turn out to be a jerk after the relationship is over, so take the high road and make sure you’re not contributing to the gross trend that is “crazy ex story-telling”. Respect your past loves. Respect the time you shared together. And when you do eventually hear these stories, take a second to ask that individual what role they played in the end of that relationship. I can guarantee you’ll get an over-reactive “NOTHING! she’s just that crazy!”, or an awkward pause of silence.
Chin up, my fellow warriors: dating is fucking brutal.
A girlfriend of mine was just telling me about a “crazy ex girlfriend” story she had heard this weekend, and how grossed out she felt about this girl’s ex telling this story to a complete stranger. That poor woman. Wherever she is. Whoever she is.
How unfair that people seldom share their role in a messy breakup. Share your stories! Message me or comment on the page-I want to hear about you being depicted as the “big bad”, or someone you know being unfairly portrayed after a breakup.
Post eleven will include my feelings on situations like this, and my personal experience with this topic.