Representing the reality

I haven’t written in a while, as I’ve been busy moving all over the place and starting a new job. Also, I found myself in a funk recently, as I tend to do when my life gets overwhelming and I see areas that I should be doing better in. I’ve been trying to stay away from comparing myself to others for as long as I could remember, but it didn’t dawn on me until recently that I compare myself to an inaccurate memory of my own past performance. Funks are hard to get out of… but I’m finally to a point where I feel positive, and like my normal self.

What helped me address my funk was realizing that the reality of myself and my past was not well represented. This is the time of Instagram… we take 40 photos of ourselves in a given situation, choose the most flattering one, post it, and delete the 39 undesirables. How the hell is anyone supposed to maintain a positive self-concept if we don’t accurately represent ourselves? This isn’t to suggest that my entire self-esteem revolves around how I look, but when I’m already feeling like I’m under-performing my past…old Instagram photos sure aren’t doing me any favors.

The same could be said about our society… we have models that don’t represent a true sample of the population, our entertainers are paid to look their absolute best and shamed when they don’t………which just leads to more and more of us “regulars” feelings like the unperformed. Of late, I’d been really harsh on myself for gaining 8 lbs in the last year, and not keeping up with my good habits. I would send myself into shame spirals just by looking at old Instagram photos, and thinking “I had it together back then…what the fuck happened this year?”  Well, what happened is that I’m human, and sometimes humans fluctuate in weight, and go through life ruts. What matters to me is being healthy, and feeling good about myself and the cosmos. The rest will sort itself out.

I saw something recently that said “love yourself in the same way you so freely love others,” and I was like “holy fuck, I would never shame someone for going through a rut or for feeling like they’ve been under-performing their past. I’d fucking lift them up and make them feel supported and smothered by my love!” -So, why the hell shouldn’t I do that for myself? …I should. YOU SHOULD. We ALL should.

I turned 25 this year, and even though I do practice quite a bit of self love….it’s good to be reminded that I’m not done learning how to love and accept myself as I am: human. Maybe I’ll look at those 39 “undesirables” with more love next time, and definitely not delete every single one of them, because I’ve learned (time after time) that that does more harm than good. And maybe I’ll work on smothering my own self with love, by lifting myself up the way I would my loved ones.

26 is going to be a good year for me, and I’m looking forward to taking this lesson into the new year with me.

P.S. Guys, today is our one year anniversary and we hit 11k followers this month….that’s fucking outrageous. I could never imagine that I would have fallen head over heals with a project in the way that I did when I created this with the help of my “team” (aka besties). Holy shit. Instagram is the bulk of what brings traffic onto this site, so if you want (sometimes) hourly updates on where I’m at with life be sure to follow us on IG @BasicAndBipolar.

Thank you for all the IG, FB, and WP love!! I can’t even begin to express my gratitude over having so many genuine people follow along. We’re all so lucky to share our stories and path with all of you.

xx

To Be Continued,

B&B

This 21 Day “Fix” Shit…

Chris P. Bacon now has her own “corner” on Basic&Bipolar. Find more of her thoughts under Food&Feelings in the main menu.

I would like to take this time to give you a little history on myself and why this section is titled “Food and Feelings.”  Apart from the fact that I love food and I have a ton of feelings that accompany my relationship to food, the struggle bus that I’ve been riding on has lasted much longer than 21 days, which they say can apparently “fix” my shit.

For the majority of my life I’ve been what some would call “curvy”.  I’m 5’4″ and  if  we’re putting numbers on things, at my best I’ve weighed around 140.  At my worst, my number has been around 180, which is the current mile marker my struggle bus is stopped at.  And over the past 3 years or so, my number has literally gone up and down in every which way between.  Currently, I have G boobies.  Yes, that is an actual size in the bra department.  On a positive note, I like to own that shit… and when people ask “what size ARE you???”  My response goes like this: “I’m a Gee.”  (Gee as in Gangsta – but no one has to know I mean it in that sense.)  But when it comes to the lower portion of my body.  I can’t remember the last time I fit into pants or shorts that were sized as a single digit.  I rock those 10s, 12s, 30s to 33s.  I get that butts are “in” now (side note to thank Kim K and Nikki…)  But in REALITY, because we all know their asses don’t live in our world, I’d have to be doing 100+ squats per day to get on their level.  Or just have a really good plastic surgeon.  And I really don’t have the time, energy, nor the money for that.  Anyways…

The hardest part for me has been finding that medium where I look and FEEL great, where I’m choosing healthy foods AND foods that fill my soul, where I’m being physically active AND getting my lazy in, and most importantly where I’m HAPPY with the choices I’m making.  I understand that any change you want to make in life all begins with the choice to do so.  However, its not as easy as flipping a light switch and it takes a lot longer than 21 Days to “Fix”.

-Chris P. Bacon

 

Chris P. Bacon

Hi.

I’m Chris P. Bacon.

The name is fitting, I’m sure you’ll come to understand. I’m a new contributor for B&B. Here I’ll be expressing my feelings, frustrations, highs, and lows surrounding my relationship with food.  All kinds of food.  The healthy kind of food.  The not so healthy kind of food.  The kind of food that not even running a 5k could make you forget about.  I’ve never run a 5k…but I highly doubt it would make me want to forget about pizza… or bacon.

Sometimes I’m a hard core dieter.  The kind of hard core dieter where cleanses are involved, pills, shakes, meal replacements, etc., you name it – I’ve probably tried it. Other times, I’m a binge eater.  A serious binge eater where its Chinese take out for dinner, fast food for lunch, and leftover cake from a relative’s birthday celebration for breakfast.

Don’t get me wrong- I’d love to see myself in something less than a size 12 in my life time.  But oh the struggle is real trying to find a place between happy and healthy when all I really want to do is eat macaroons.

I’m on this journey of balance.  But for now, you’ll hear me bitch about needing to run but wanting that burrito a little bit more.  I’ll get that six pack… one day.

-Chris P.