Emily I

Poem II, from contributor Kevin Sullivan:

I woke up this morning to the sound of your feet touching the floor.

I pretended to be asleep, but you’ve always had a heavy step and I’ve always been a less than convincing liar.

You still left all the same; no goodbyes, no shame.

I got up as soon as the door closed. I set my bed on fire and forgot my mistakes.

I can’t blame myself for being weak when pitted against someone so strong. So I’ll keep making excuses night after night and keep making my bed of ashes.

I’ll welcome you back with open arms but turn my gaze to the floor because I can’t look you in the eye anymore.

My embrace will be as hollow as my I love you’s.

And you’ll go on forgetting you were ever wrong. You’ll go on thinking that everything is right in the world while I suffocate in my discontent.

This is the bed I’ve made; this is the bed I’ve burned; and this is the bed I’ll always crawl back into.


As always, your feedback is welcomed and appreciated. Thanks for reading, friends! 

B&B

NoChillChicksHere

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I am the furthest thing from being a “cool chick”.

This is my dating reality: 

I have no idea how to navigate the dating world. I know what type of relationship I want, but I have no idea how to weed through contenders. You’d think I’d have better asshole radar after a decade of dating, but I don’t. And I want to stab myself in the eye every time I hear the phrase “I’m just looking for a chill chick to, you know, hang with.”

Let’s discuss the phenomenon that is “the cool chick”

This concept is one that is pushed on women a lot. I absolutely hate the concept of her. She’s not real: she’s a sexist concept that was probably created by beer commercials.  From what I gather, a “cool” or “chill” chick is the following: unbothered by flakey-ness, DTF always, never gets too emotional, never gets jealous, loves “dude” activities (whatever that means), doesn’t need relationship labels, she’s adventurous, fearless, and is basically a guy with tits.

I have a few ladies in my coven that would fit the majority of those characteristics…but never too emotional? Always unbothered by flakey-ness? …that’s where I, and most women get lost: flakey-ness should never be tolerated, and being emotional is not a negative behavior. We should celebrate uniqueness from one another, and our emotions are one of those unique things we should not be ashamed to celebrate.

If someone stands me up or flakes on me multiple times, I will probably rid my life of that person (romantic or not). I don’t always like “dude” activities -I hate video games (if that’s a dude activity), and I only have sports knowledge when it’s relevant to me. I like labels (and label makers!), as I find that they assist in providing comfort in budding relationships. I am pretty adventurous, but I’m not even mildly fearless…. as I am afraid of almost everything. I am extremely emotional, and I have no shame in letting it be known that I basically have multiple personalities.

Yeah, I’m definitely not an ideal “cool chick”, and dating in my mid-twenties has been a total grab bag of mixed results. Unrealistic expectations make dating even harder. Women are not two-dimensional creatures. You can’t get the woman that loves sports, AND likes to keep things casual for THREE years. That’s not a thing, guys. We have complex personalities. We aren’t…men. I will probably always be adventurous, but also extremely neurotic and love labels (of all kinds).

Basically, dating in my twenties is the worst. And down with this “chill chick” concept!

To Be Continued,

B&B 

A Continuation of Crazy Exes

Exes: having one and being one.


Being an ex is weird, and having one may be even weirder.

You get used to a role, and then you’re suddenly dethroned and everything that had happened between you and your partner is not only in the past, but will likely be discussed with his/her future mate. And depending on how poorly it ended, it could end up being discussed as  entertainment in a bar amongst friends and strangers. I had posted earlier about how much I dislike “crazy ex” stories. They seldom portray accuracy, and more often than not, you never find out what lead to this “crazy behavior”.

I had a few different stories messaged and commented onto my Basic&Bipolar Facebook page, and there was a common theme: bad patterns that lead to hurt feelings. I was going to possibly share a few stories that were sent to me, and even one of my own, but I decided against it because I think those stories have probably already been given enough attention by the people who constructed them.

When I hear the phrase “got rid of that crazy bitch”, so much of it saddens me. Partly because she’s a person with feelings, and partly because he’s obviously so ignorant that he has no idea how powerful a phrase like that can be when it’s uttered by someone this person used to love (or may still have lingering feelings for).

I had an ex spin a tale about me, one that (if his audience didn’t know me well) would really question my character as a person. It hurt me deeply when I heard what he had said. Someone I loved had portrayed me as a monster, for the sheer fact that he wasn’t willing to take any responsibility for his role in the demise of our prolonged and messy relationship.

I never understood the need to fabricate stories about exes. I’ve heard blatant lies about myself that were created by my ex, and I thought it was so strange. I am a moody lunatic, and if I have my period, look out world! None of what he said had anything to do with my actual personality or the reality of our breakup. Unfortunately, it did make me wonder if maybe he would have treated me better afterwards had I been less emotional in the end.

It took me a long time to date after hearing such awful things about myself. Why be part of a private relationship if our story will be mutated and rewritten to suit some jerk’s agenda?

I eventually got over it, and did date again. I still think that particular guy can rot, but after the self-doubt passed, I realized he was talking about a fictional person. I am more than the story he depicted. I’m sure some people bought into what he was selling, but I found a certain comfort in him having to lie to make his treatment towards me seem just. It reassured me that the best thing I can do for myself as a person is live my life authentically and to never alter my behavior to suit someone else’s agenda.

I will always be a moody girl who is so agreeable and cool one day, and unapologetically difficult the next. I never depict myself as anything short of that.

Back to you, whoever you may be:  if you are a crazy ex or have one, remember that no one’s words can define you but your own. You’re the only author of YOUR story, so  depict your reality the truest way you can, by being yourself regardless of what anyone says about you. You can never be certain that someone won’t turn out to be a jerk after the relationship is over, so take the high road and make sure you’re not contributing to the gross trend that is “crazy ex story-telling”. Respect your past loves. Respect the time you shared together. And when you do eventually hear these stories, take a second to ask that individual what role they played in the end of that relationship. I can guarantee you’ll get an over-reactive “NOTHING! she’s just that crazy!”, or an awkward pause of silence.

Chin up, my fellow warriors: dating is fucking brutal.

To Be Continued,

B&B

Crazy exes

A girlfriend of mine was just telling me about a “crazy ex girlfriend” story she had heard this weekend, and how grossed out she felt about this girl’s ex telling this story to a complete stranger. That poor woman. Wherever she is. Whoever she is.

How unfair that people seldom share their role in a messy breakup. Share your stories! Message me or comment on the page-I want to hear about you being depicted as the “big bad”, or someone you know being unfairly portrayed after a breakup.

Post eleven will include my feelings on situations like this, and my personal experience with this topic.

To Be Continued,

B&B

New Year, Same Me

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Happy New Year, new friends and old. Cheers to always being the same asshole at 12:01 on January 1st every damn year!

Today I thought I’d take some time to talk about new beginnings:

It’s a new year! This is when we set our intentions for the year, list our goals that we want to achieve over the next 365 days, and really allow ourselves to enjoy that we get to start a brand new chapter. But what about what we’re leaving behind, and what about the stuff that lingered with us into 2016?

I love new beginnings, but it’s hard when it’s different from what I had pictured in the months leading to this new year. I experienced a breakup last year. It’s not my first, and I highly doubt it’ll be my last (I’m just being realistic). I pictured starting this new year with someone who will no longer be in my life, and that still stings a little.

I feel that it’s becoming less socially acceptable to openly talk about sadness, and things that we feel negatively about. Positivity pushers are always so quick to remind you that there is always a silver lining, and though I can be one of those people, I am also someone that says “yes, there is a silver lining, but let me experience this loss and grieve the end of my relationship in a way that is true to me.” New beginnings are beautiful, and should be celebrated, but I can’t put on a party hat and pretend this was a new beginning that I was thrilled to greet.

I wasn’t looking forward to this holiday, guys. I closed a chapter on something I felt hadn’t even gotten the chance to be truly great. In dating years, I feel like I’m 110 a lot of the time. I’m tired of dating, and I’m tired of it not working out. Having something that felt right and great, and then having it not work out had really put a damper on the end of my year. So, I felt really grumpy about New Years. I didn’t even celebrate it. I had no urge to celebrate this holiday that reminded me that I failed.

So, that’s what this post was going to be about. I was going to share my feelings, and leave it on a “sometimes, our emotional baggage lingers with us…and that’s okay” sort of note. And then I was watching parks and rec, and Ron Swanson just got done telling Tom that “ when you fail at something after you’ve given it your best shot, how is that really a failure? ..you still tried. That’s a win!” –it probably seems silly, but I think I really needed to hear that. Even coming from a fictional character in the magic box in my living room, it resonated really well with me..

And that’s how I’m viewing my lingering sad feelings in this New Year: they’re reminders that I tried.

Happy New Year, new friends and old. I hope your 2015 was amazing, and I hope 2016 brings you an immeasurable amount of happy moments.

To Be Continued,
B&B