Women Supporting Women

fem rants 

“There is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.”
 –Madeleine Albright, former United States Ambassador to the United  Nations

 

It’s International Women’s Day, and guess what?? Feminist rants really are my jam! Here’s one of my favorites: the importance of supporting your fellow female badass……


Is there anything more special than having female friends?

I’ve noticed over the years that it appears to be a really trendy thing to label oneself as a “guy’s girl”, or the type of girl who “has more guy friends than girl friends”, because “women attract drama.”  Now, there’s obviously nothing wrong with having an abundance of male friends; I have plenty of guy friends. I’m talking about the women who avoid making friends with women-This has never been true for me. I was raised only by women, and I have been for women and all about women supporting women since before I understood the obstacles that a woman faces throughout her life. I can tell you from a lifetime of fembot training, WOMEN ARE BADASSES. We really are. YOU are a goddess, and so is the girl in the cube next to you. Carry yourself, and your bonds in a manner that pays tribute to that. Support other women; we all need it. No one understands us better than our gender does.

There’s a really special bond between female friends. Whether that bond be because we know what it’s like to have our baby box try to ruin us from the inside every month, or if it’s because we understand what it’s like to be judged the way we are by our appearance (tattooed, pierced, hair colored), by our having (or not having) children, by our choice in clothing, by our lifestyle choices, etc. Women understand women. Men have struggles, too. I’m not invalidating that, but they don’t struggle in the same manner in which a woman will throughout her lifetime.

Why is it important to support your fellow lady?

Women helping other women is the right thing to do. While not the only factor, it is most definitely one of the major arteries on the road to success. After all, what are we all doing here if not to help one another? The old stereotypes about women are tired and frankly, boring. Life is hard. Work is hard. Let’s cut one another a break and give the overly competitive, passive/aggressive and martyr behaviors a permanent rest. It’s time.” *Retrieved from 10 Reasons Why Women Should Support Women


This blogger hit the nail right on the head -what are we doing here if it isn’t to help one another achieve our maximum potential!?  Cutting one another down doesn’t do either party any good. No woman benefits from treating other women as if they aren’t worth our energy. In the work place, it’s tougher to gain respect as a woman than it is a man (this is widely known) -help a sister out! Don’t use the age-old excuse of “I had to fight to get where I am; she should, too!” False. She shouldn’t. If someone before you had done her part, your path wouldn’t have been riddled with difficulty. Do.Your.Part

ovaries

Author of “The Woman Code”, Sophia Nelson has a twenty tips to her fellow woman on how to navigate the waters of empowering your fellow sister. Here are a few that I found helpful from an article I discovered about female empowerment along with my personal thoughts:

  1. Steer Clear of women who “don’t do female friends”
    I swear I just said this. Oh, wait.. it’s because I did. This is a complete bullshit trend. I choose to believe the women who choose this path, choose it out of the ignorance of not having had fruitful female bonds in the past. It’s good to steer clear without judging her for her choices. Never put her down, but remember that you are the company you keep, ladies. If she’s someone who doesn’t “do girlfriends”, then she probably doesn’t have similar priorities or social tendencies as you and you can respectfully side-step and find a new friend elsewhere. Her interests don’t align with yours, and it’s difficult to maintain friendships when someone doesn’t support your beliefs.
  2. Collaborate and Share
    This is a lot similar to the excerpt from the blog that I inserted above. Her angle is to come together to achieve greatness, instead of competing the way society wants us to. Tell your girls the stuff they need to hear: you ARE beautiful, you ARE worth it, you CAN do this, etc. This concept can be as drastic as major life decisions, to the smallest decisions -no one buys $300 shoes without asking her best girl if she really needs them (which is likely a “fuck-no”. Homie, no one actually needs $300 shoes. Get a budget app, and then come back to me on whether or not you can afford those heals.)
  3. Be A Mentor
    This is one of those situations where you see someone struggling with something you (or someone close to you) has struggled with. Talk about it. Share your experience. Assist them in tackling this obstacle. Everyone needs a mentor-especially women.
  4. Pay-it-forward
    When you had someone help you through something, pay it forward. Help them in return. Even if all you give them in return is emotional support, it’s appreciated!
  5. Never Be Afraid to Have Courageous Conversations
    Being a woman is tough. A reported 1 in 5 is sexually assaulted throughout her lifetime. Oh, but to make that number even more saddening, assault in the home (where it occurs most) is HIGHLY under reported. Wouldn’t it be great if this 20% of women spoke to other women about their experiences,  in an effort to combat this heart breaking problem as well as starting the healing process for these other women. BE COURAGEOUS. Talk about stuff that’s uncomfortable. You never know who needs to hear your story, to gain the courage to share theirs.

In order to give this topic the respect it deserves, I’d have to start an entirely new blog dedicated to it …I promise I will, someday. Women are badasses, but we need to support each other in order to truly thrive as a gender at this point in time. Gender equality isn’t where it should be yet: we still have work to do. So be courageous and have those uncomfortable talks with others; be a mentor; help someone at work that you see a little of yourself in; pay-it-forward; stay away from men and women who don’t support your beliefs; collaborate and share- I’m here, supporting you, and telling you -you ARE great in all that you tackle in life. Be brilliant, and be advocates for one another.

 To Be Continued,

B&B

 

 

 

 

To All My Curve Rocking Babes 

Lady loves,

I’ve recently discovered this gorgeous unicorn of a woman on Instagram (by the way, B&B’s IG is POPPIN’! 2K followers and counting!) Anyway, this wonderful woman happens to be a designer!! I was obsessed with everything she was wearing: I love spandex, I love neutrals, and I love anything that hugs my curves. 

  Here name is Ciera Rogers (@cierarogers) and she’s the founder of babesandfelines.com (@babesandfelines). She’s fantastic and so is her line. It’s worn by everyone right now (even Kim K: the queen of curves). I just made my first of, what I assumed, many many more to come. 

 
I’ll update you all on my satisfaction with my purchase, but I have a feeling it’s going to involve a lot of heart-eye emoji’s. 

This site (link inserted above) is everything. It’s a must-check-out!  

To Be Continued, 

B&B 

New Year, Same Me

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Happy New Year, new friends and old. Cheers to always being the same asshole at 12:01 on January 1st every damn year!

Today I thought I’d take some time to talk about new beginnings:

It’s a new year! This is when we set our intentions for the year, list our goals that we want to achieve over the next 365 days, and really allow ourselves to enjoy that we get to start a brand new chapter. But what about what we’re leaving behind, and what about the stuff that lingered with us into 2016?

I love new beginnings, but it’s hard when it’s different from what I had pictured in the months leading to this new year. I experienced a breakup last year. It’s not my first, and I highly doubt it’ll be my last (I’m just being realistic). I pictured starting this new year with someone who will no longer be in my life, and that still stings a little.

I feel that it’s becoming less socially acceptable to openly talk about sadness, and things that we feel negatively about. Positivity pushers are always so quick to remind you that there is always a silver lining, and though I can be one of those people, I am also someone that says “yes, there is a silver lining, but let me experience this loss and grieve the end of my relationship in a way that is true to me.” New beginnings are beautiful, and should be celebrated, but I can’t put on a party hat and pretend this was a new beginning that I was thrilled to greet.

I wasn’t looking forward to this holiday, guys. I closed a chapter on something I felt hadn’t even gotten the chance to be truly great. In dating years, I feel like I’m 110 a lot of the time. I’m tired of dating, and I’m tired of it not working out. Having something that felt right and great, and then having it not work out had really put a damper on the end of my year. So, I felt really grumpy about New Years. I didn’t even celebrate it. I had no urge to celebrate this holiday that reminded me that I failed.

So, that’s what this post was going to be about. I was going to share my feelings, and leave it on a “sometimes, our emotional baggage lingers with us…and that’s okay” sort of note. And then I was watching parks and rec, and Ron Swanson just got done telling Tom that “ when you fail at something after you’ve given it your best shot, how is that really a failure? ..you still tried. That’s a win!” –it probably seems silly, but I think I really needed to hear that. Even coming from a fictional character in the magic box in my living room, it resonated really well with me..

And that’s how I’m viewing my lingering sad feelings in this New Year: they’re reminders that I tried.

Happy New Year, new friends and old. I hope your 2015 was amazing, and I hope 2016 brings you an immeasurable amount of happy moments.

To Be Continued,
B&B

Love?

I’m 25, and I’m still not entirely sure what love is. So far, I know he’s someone I adore fiercely, but also someone who frustrates me …but I still don’t really know how to pinpoint when it happens, or if it’s just a connection? Whatever that means.

To be honest, I still don’t know how to label the example I’m about to give. I don’t know if it was a “connection”, or what the hell it was. I only know that I felt so at home with this guy, and that I’ve never felt that way before with someone. During the entirety of our first date, I felt like I had been waiting to feel surrounded by this calm, comforting guy for the longest time.

I must also say, this isn’t something that happens to me often. 

He was different..he was such a beautiful man. Yes, he was attractive- but something else about him just made him so much more beautiful to me. I was determined to turn him into my best friend, or pretty much anything that kept him close for as long as possible. I still maintain the belief that I’ve never encountered that feeling with another person. Every time we spent time together or talked, I felt that same way I did on our first date. It didn’t dull, it only grew. I don’t know how to better describe it: he was absolutely beautiful to me, and that’s all I know. 

The relationship didn’t last, but I remember how he made me feel… it was a little magical. And that’s something I get to keep with me. 

To Be Continued,

B&B

 

Holidays&Hookups

Before I begin with my “New Year” post, I’d like to take a moment to address a discussion topic suggestion I received on the Basic&Bipolar Facebook page. Here we go: “Holidays and Hookups: at what point do you get your sex buddy a Christmas gift?”

Well, Holidays and Hookups, it really depends on your dynamic with this person. Do you have that type of relationship?

This is a really lame comparison, but it’s the last time I was in a mildly similar position. Once, I had sent a Christmas card to a guy I was talking to for a few months, and he never even acknowledged that he received it. I eventually asked if it had made it to him yet, and he responded with “I got it.” –and that was it. I wanted to respond with “Hey, you’re welcome, yah fuck. Thanks for wishing me a Merry Christmas in return!” …actually I kind of did. You know me, good ol’ mood swings for days.

Anyway, we were in that type of dynamic that it didn’t feel weird for me to send him something. We were friends in addition to being “friendly”. I think giving gifts to people you know REALLY well is easy, because you know how they’ll react, and they know what your intentions were with giving. When it’s someone you don’t know as well, and you don’t know how they show appreciation, or whatever… giving gifts can be really awkward. Mine was just a card, and even though time has passed and I don’t speak to that guy anymore, I still feel kind of like a jackass for sending it to someone who appears to have viewed it as bothersome or unwanted.

Giving gifts can be sort of personal.  It’s usually something I only do for loved ones. When someone has the perception that you view them as a loved one, it has the potential to make things progress into a more committed relationship OR make things kind of awkward. You could do a dirty Christmas exchange in an effort to keep it friendly and playful –the gift must be wearable and edible at the same time!

 

Okay, NYE post:
As the year of 2015 is wrapping up, it might be neat for us all to reflect on our year. What better way to appreciate a new beginning, than to reflect on the past year, as we take a step into our shared new year. I’ve compiled a short list to guide you through your reflections and mine.

 

What was your fondest memory of 2015?
One of my fondest memories was nothing extraordinary, but it was everything all at the same time. It was a moment where someone shared how one of my friends describes me to their loved ones, and it was filled with so much love. It was a gift to see how highly this person thinks of me. This moment made me incredibly happy, and has stuck with me throughout the year. It’s really magical to see how your loved view you. I don’t think there’s anything I love more than the wonderful people in my life. I have so many fond memories with my family and friends, this just happened to be the first one that came to mind.

What is the best, and even most inspiring conversation you had in 2015?
I met a lovely middle aged man from India, who was talking to me about his perception of the way a soul can evolve through a person’s lifetime. He believed that through the course of our journey towards adulthood, many of us accumulate a lot of bad habits and baggage. As a result, some of us leave behind this negative fingerprint or cosmic (spiritual) scent. He believed that as we grow older and not only acknowledge that baggage but resolve it… that that baggage is still present, but slowly the positive or sweeter cosmic scent overpowers that initial negativity. He used the example of Jasmine. He said, no matter how thick the crap is, Jasmine will always grow through the cracks and eventually overpower it. –I had never heard anyone explain the human experience quite that way. Maybe it was the way he explained it, but it was such a beautiful and inspiring thing for me to hear. And we had had this conversation at a pivotal moment in my life. I had just experienced a loss, and I was struggling with it, emotionally. He was a beautiful man, and that was something I definitely needed to hear. I had a lot of crap in my life at that time, but that beautiful scent of jasmine was still capable of overpowering the negative in the overall experience of my life.

What did you accomplish this year that you’re proud of, that you may have struggled with in the past?
Starting this blog is something I’m pretty proud of. I’ve been doing this for under two weeks and I have 100 followers between WP and Facebook. And a lot of you are very responsive and interactive with the content. I love connecting with people, and talking about our similar and different philosophies. So, thank you, guys! I wanted to start something semi-anonymous, to reach out to more people and it has turned out to be pretty fruitful thus far!

What’s a habit or trend in your life that you’d like to leave in the past that will soon be 2015?
Being too critical of myself is something I’d like to leave in 2015. This is something that a lot of people do. I’d like to work on being as critical with myself as I would any other loved one in my life. I think it’s important to give ourselves a break here and there.

Do you have any challenges set for 2016?
I don’t believe in random resolutions. I believe in setting challenges, and making life-style changes. I set lifestyle goals for myself every 6 months, and I spend a decent amount of time planning these goals to the fullest extent. A few months ago, I wanted to work on better time management (I frequently ran out of hours in the day). This next month, my challenge will be to start krav maga. I love this method of self-defense, and I think it would be great for me to get into. Besides, who hates a chick that can kick some ass?? Not this girl!

2015 has been a beautiful year for me. Ive learned a lot, and I wouldn’t take back any part of my year. I got to spend an extended period of time in the beginning of the year with some of my favorite people; that was pretty magical and definitely made this year stand out for me.

Happy Holidays, you beautiful bunch!

To Be Continued,

B&B

Dating Myths

Dating is rough on all of us. Let’s not forget all of Le Queen Adele’s “21” album; an album dedicated to the perils of dating in her twenties.

So, I thought I’d take a stroll through some really bad dating advice, and I ended up looking into common dating myths. I found this fabulous list from thedatereport.com, titled “Ten dating myths you should ignore”, and I absolutely loved it!

 

  1. The guy should pay
    This is a ritual that I find incredibly archaic. The man does NOT have to pay. Ladies, going halvesies is completely acceptable. I’ve had friends that get shy about it, because they don’t want to appear aggressive -I say screw it! When you’re in a serious relationship, you’ll probably be splitting the bills, so why not start out that way?
    –You buy the theater tickets, he buys the snacks. BOOM!
  2. You shouldn’t have sex on a first date
    No. Just no. If you want to have sex with someone on the first date, and they want to have sex with you, go for it! Ignore what your Nana told you about giving the milk out for free, and do what you want to do. The bottom line is, if you and your potential partner aren’t “waiters”, then you aren’t. If you are, then you are. DO. WHAT. YOU.WANT. Fuck what Nana told you. (My Nana is dead, and her ghost is busy haunting her third husband, so it’s unlikely that she’ll know I just said that.)
  3. Dress casually
    I’m guilty of giving this advice, but I didn’t say it in the “look shabby-chic”, I said it in the “don’t wear a skin-tight dress, because you won’t be able to eat, drink, or breath.” –My policy on dressing for dates is dress according to the activity and ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS make sure that you’re comfortable. You can’t give anyone your full attention if you can’t stop thinking about how tight your pants are, or that you’re afraid to sit down in your skirt. No one needs that kind of stress on a first date.
  4. The guy has to be the one to follow-up
    False. Carpe diem, homie. DO WHAT YOU FUCKING WANT. If you really like him, tell him. If you never want to see him again, tell him (politely) that you’re going in another direction. Getting turned down by me is basically a job rejection: thanks for your applications, sir, but I’ve decided to take this in another direction. Best of luck to you in your search! (no joke, I have said that before)
  5. Be fashionably late
    If he’s within 10 minutes, no problem. If he’s later than 15 minutes and hasn’t reached out to tell you that he’s running behind, onto the next one, sister. I hold a tally on first dates, if they have 4 by the end of the date, they don’t get called again. We all know his phone is attached to his hip, he’s not too busy to tell you that he’s running late. -I also hold myself to this standard. I’m a chronic texter, so I have no qualms with letting my date know that I’m running late.
  6. Bars and clubs are a great place to meet
    I don’t mind meeting people at bars, but if I’m drinking a lot of wine, I’m probably going to order a bunch of appetizers OR leave the date early so I can go home and make a pizza… soooooo it’s probably just better to meet somewhere more casual. I really like movie dates at home, though. I like getting to know people in private, so you can actually ask personal questions without someone at the table next your date, wondering if you’re on a date or if you’re conducting a job interview. -Because I’m obviously doing both. Dating me is a job. Also, bars and clubs are usually pretty loud. It’s hard to get to know someone while you’re shouting from two feet away.
  7. It is (super) weird to think about the future
    There’s a lot of research that supports that this is not-so-weird. Many MANY people consider their potential futures with someone. Why wouldn’t you? Are you dating, so you can potentially find someone that you enjoy spending time with long-term? ….Well, long-term relationships need forethought.
  8. Your body is being judged
    I’m going to steal what the website commented here, because I really liked it: ”The top three things that singles judge a potential first date by are grammar, self-confidence, and their teeth (random). Your body-shape is perfect the way it is, and if a first date can’t see that then good riddance!” –Good riddance is right!! You’re perfectly fine the way you are; no one is judging your body! You put yourself out there and went on this date, you deserve a good time! Don’t let the paranoia monster in. YOU.LOOK.DIVINE.
  9. “Friends With Benefits” will never turn into a serious relationship
    This is just not factual. I don’t know why people say this. I think there are types of casual hook-up relationships that have no hope, but there are plenty that form into something more. Like I said above, it just depends on the two people and what they’re both looking for. If you’re both on the same page and want that currently, but have nothing against it developing into something more..why wouldn’t it? I think this myth causes paranoia. I’ve had girlfriends ask me if I think their relationship is hopeless because it started by them just fooling around here and there at one point. No. I definitely do NOT think that. DO WHAT YOU WANT.
  10. Everyone fibs about their sexual history
    I know men and women that aren’t honest about this, but I think I know more people that are honest. However, I also don’t think this is an appropriate question for a first date. I have asked someone just out of curiosity before, but I didn’t actually have interest in dating him. I was just trying to figure out if he was a 40 year old virgin (which would have been perfectly fine). I’m really big on honesty, so if you don’t want to tell someone the truth just tell them that that’s a conversation for your future husband (or someone you’re in a serious relationship with). If you’re already in a serious relationship, just tell them. No one is going to dump you, because of your magic number. If they do, they’re an asshole. Also, don’t be daft and act like you don’t know your number –we all know our number.

 

So, let’s recap: IGNORE DATING MYTHS!!!! Oh, and my Nana is busy haunting her ex-husband(s) and hopefully not hovering over any of your shoulders, reading this post. But on a serious note, do what you feel is best for YOU and you’ll be golden! 😉

To Be Continued,

B&B

So you’re a little crazy, and?

It’s 11 pm, and I’m listening to Sia’s piano version of “Elastic Heart” on repeat. Am I the only one that that song just takes to church? -It’s such a beautiful rendition of that song.

Anyway, it’s really late, and all I can think about it is how often I get feedback about how freeing people feel when they read about how open I am about being a moody mess any day that ends in “y”. I’m happy about all of the feedback, but the sheer fact that so many women  feel they can only be themselves behind closed doors REALLY motivates me to work harder to encourage people to be authentic. What is more trendy than taking care of yourself mentally and emotionally?

I really can’t give you advice on how to come out of your shell, other than just telling you that you will be okay when you do. I hid for 20 years, behind sarcasm and negativity. I’ve known since I was really young that I had an abundance of ever changing emotions, and letting people find that out terrified me. People treated mental illnesses like they were to be feared OR that they were imagined. I was working hard to prevent people from finding out that I was not only emotional, but that I was a flawed individual (I know, who isn’t?). I never talked about my feelings, and hated working on my communication with others. I just wanted to hide, and pretend that some day, I would just wake up and feel better. I thought it was phase or something. I always got annoyed by those peppy people that would say shit like “Happiness is a choice! CHOOSE HAPPINESS!!” -and all I could think was, “F you. I’m glad you were born with a rainbow shoved up your ass, but not all of us are inherently positive.”

But then I finally decided that I wasn’t participating in my life; I was just existing, and hoping that no one noticed anything negative about me. I did a lot to get where I am in terms of being comfortable with who I am as a woman, and as someone who has a mental illness. I spend a LOT of time telling people my story, because I don’t want ANYONE out there to feel how I felt. Whether you have a mental illness, or you just have bad days, allow yourself to FEEL. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. We are all flawed, beautiful, and chaotic; we’re human beings. If you wanted perfection, ask a homie up in the sky to bring you back as a cat in your next life. Cats lick their own asses and don’t give a f*k who is watching….if that isn’t security, I don’t know what is!

Allowing those stigmas about feelings and mental illness to get to you is not only giving into the problem, but it’s contributing to the hurt that it causes in others. Much like any other stigma out there, think about how it effects the young. Being a teen is so rough, regardless of the possibility of mental illness. All of those emotions and hormones.

Teens aside, Imagine how many friends you know (or maybe you do this, too) that hide their personality (or baggage!?) in the beginning of relationships. Am I the only person that thinks that that’s not only bizarre, but it’s the ultimate form of false advertisement??? -I have friends that try to be that super chill chick in the beginning of their relationships, and wait until they’re 3-5 months in, and then they let their partners know how they really feel about all of the crap they’ve been cataloging since day 1 of dating this individual. AND EVERY DAMN TIME the partner thinks they’re insane. Well, babe, you kind of lied about who you were, and 3-5 months in, you basically said “JUST KIDDING…..I’m NOTHING like I said I was. In fact, those movies you took me to, well, I hated ALL of them. And I also hate sports, video games, and your new haircut.”…….. Yeah, obviously that won’t really go over well, sweet cheeks.

Be YOU! If people don’t like who YOU are, then find new people. I’m not for everyone, and I’ve definitely had people make it very apparent to me that I’m not their cup of tea. So, on to the next one. Do YOU like everyone you meet? -I’ll answer that for you-No, no you don’t. No one does!

Be yourself. Not only for you, but for the next person who sees you being accepting of every portion of yourself, and says to themselves “maybe it’s okay to be me”-You never know who you may help just by being authentic.

We may only know each other from the interwebs, but I am cheering you on every step of the way!

 

To Be Continued,

B&B