I am the furthest thing from being a “cool chick”.

This is my dating reality: 

I have no idea how to navigate the dating world. I know what type of relationship I want, but I have no idea how to weed through contenders. You’d think I’d have better asshole radar after a decade of dating, but I don’t. And I want to stab myself in the eye every time I hear the phrase “I’m just looking for a chill chick to, you know, hang with.”

Let’s discuss the phenomenon that is “the cool chick”

This concept is one that is pushed on women a lot. I absolutely hate the concept of her. She’s not real: she’s a sexist concept that was probably created by beer commercials.  From what I gather, a “cool” or “chill” chick is the following: unbothered by flakey-ness, DTF always, never gets too emotional, never gets jealous, loves “dude” activities (whatever that means), doesn’t need relationship labels, she’s adventurous, fearless, and is basically a guy with tits.

I have a few ladies in my coven that would fit the majority of those characteristics…but never too emotional? Always unbothered by flakey-ness? …that’s where I, and most women get lost: flakey-ness should never be tolerated, and being emotional is not a negative behavior. We should celebrate uniqueness from one another, and our emotions are one of those unique things we should not be ashamed to celebrate.

If someone stands me up or flakes on me multiple times, I will probably rid my life of that person (romantic or not). I don’t always like “dude” activities -I hate video games (if that’s a dude activity), and I only have sports knowledge when it’s relevant to me. I like labels (and label makers!), as I find that they assist in providing comfort in budding relationships. I am pretty adventurous, but I’m not even mildly fearless…. as I am afraid of almost everything. I am extremely emotional, and I have no shame in letting it be known that I basically have multiple personalities.

Yeah, I’m definitely not an ideal “cool chick”, and dating in my mid-twenties has been a total grab bag of mixed results. Unrealistic expectations make dating even harder. Women are not two-dimensional creatures. You can’t get the woman that loves sports, AND likes to keep things casual for THREE years. That’s not a thing, guys. We have complex personalities. We aren’t…men. I will probably always be adventurous, but also extremely neurotic and love labels (of all kinds).

Basically, dating in my twenties is the worst. And down with this “chill chick” concept!

To Be Continued,


4 thoughts on “NoChillChicksHere

  1. Hey! This is @kingofheart__ from IG. I really like the rawness in this post. Honestly most guys don’t know what they really want in a woman. We are so fixated on getting her number, getting her attention, getting her to respond, then getting in between her legs…. guys don’t really give themselves a mental space to think about their core values and what they look for in a woman, hence the “i just want a cool chick that I can hang with” response. Also, there’s a lot of fuck boys out there & sadly people get disappointed & hurt. I’ve seen many men & women struggling in the dating world, especially in today’s world where we’re so connected to our phones & so disconnected from each other…. it’s a hot mess. I think every “chick” is cool as much as she is “crazy” & if a dude can’t handle her when she’s at her crazy, then he probably won’t be able to handle more when things get serious & there’s more on his plate. I don’t know what your core values are, but if I were to filter out dudes, these are the things I would watch for: how does he carry himself? Does he walk around with purpose or is he a fuckboy? Does he knows what he wants? Does he own up to his mistakes & take responsibility for his actions? Dependable? Is he able to handle my crazy? Your list may be different but this is how I spot a cool bro & a fuckboy

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ps. You’re already chill. You may not meet the “lists” that you’ve gathered but that’s none of your business. The list is socially constructed but reality is no one is perfect, even if people strive to be. You’re perfect the way you are, & if guys are blind to that, they probably don’t deserve you in the first place. You feel me?


    1. Hey, thanks! Lol honestly, I’m not worried about whether people find me cool. To be honest, a lot of guys do. They find me authenticity “refreshing”. Right up until they realize that it never gets shut off. The trouble with dating is, we show people the best sides of ourselves because we eventually want to just be the best person we can. That’s not authentic, and no one is their best self at all times. So, regardless of how well I (and other women) weed out the turds, a responsible value having man can still unravel and reveal his flakey douche side over the course of dating. This has happened to me multiple times. Relationships are work. Love is work. It’s not uncommon for a man (in my experience) to just decide he wants something easier… And un-retires his fuckboy antics. And I think I need to sit down and write about this “you show your crazy” stuff. To be honest, I never know how to respond to that, because I don’t see it as a compliment. When I call myself crazy or “cute but crazy”, it’s in jest and mocking society for thinking it’s only okay to think things that people may not like. No, I like to say them. If my boyfriend cheating on me makes me want to release poisonous spiders into his apartment, I’ll share those thoughts. I’m surely not the first woman to consider it. I shouldn’t be praised for saying the things everyone wants to. More people should be embraced so they feel comfortable saying uncomfortable things.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s