Dating is rough on all of us. Let’s not forget all of Le Queen Adele’s “21” album; an album dedicated to the perils of dating in her twenties.
So, I thought I’d take a stroll through some really bad dating advice, and I ended up looking into common dating myths. I found this fabulous list from thedatereport.com, titled “Ten dating myths you should ignore”, and I absolutely loved it!
- The guy should pay
This is a ritual that I find incredibly archaic. The man does NOT have to pay. Ladies, going halvesies is completely acceptable. I’ve had friends that get shy about it, because they don’t want to appear aggressive -I say screw it! When you’re in a serious relationship, you’ll probably be splitting the bills, so why not start out that way?
–You buy the theater tickets, he buys the snacks. BOOM!
- You shouldn’t have sex on a first date
No. Just no. If you want to have sex with someone on the first date, and they want to have sex with you, go for it! Ignore what your Nana told you about giving the milk out for free, and do what you want to do. The bottom line is, if you and your potential partner aren’t “waiters”, then you aren’t. If you are, then you are. DO. WHAT. YOU.WANT. Fuck what Nana told you. (My Nana is dead, and her ghost is busy haunting her third husband, so it’s unlikely that she’ll know I just said that.)
- Dress casually
I’m guilty of giving this advice, but I didn’t say it in the “look shabby-chic”, I said it in the “don’t wear a skin-tight dress, because you won’t be able to eat, drink, or breath.” –My policy on dressing for dates is dress according to the activity and ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS make sure that you’re comfortable. You can’t give anyone your full attention if you can’t stop thinking about how tight your pants are, or that you’re afraid to sit down in your skirt. No one needs that kind of stress on a first date.
- The guy has to be the one to follow-up
False. Carpe diem, homie. DO WHAT YOU FUCKING WANT. If you really like him, tell him. If you never want to see him again, tell him (politely) that you’re going in another direction. Getting turned down by me is basically a job rejection: thanks for your applications, sir, but I’ve decided to take this in another direction. Best of luck to you in your search! (no joke, I have said that before)
- Be fashionably late
If he’s within 10 minutes, no problem. If he’s later than 15 minutes and hasn’t reached out to tell you that he’s running behind, onto the next one, sister. I hold a tally on first dates, if they have 4 by the end of the date, they don’t get called again. We all know his phone is attached to his hip, he’s not too busy to tell you that he’s running late. -I also hold myself to this standard. I’m a chronic texter, so I have no qualms with letting my date know that I’m running late.
- Bars and clubs are a great place to meet
I don’t mind meeting people at bars, but if I’m drinking a lot of wine, I’m probably going to order a bunch of appetizers OR leave the date early so I can go home and make a pizza… soooooo it’s probably just better to meet somewhere more casual. I really like movie dates at home, though. I like getting to know people in private, so you can actually ask personal questions without someone at the table next your date, wondering if you’re on a date or if you’re conducting a job interview. -Because I’m obviously doing both. Dating me is a job. Also, bars and clubs are usually pretty loud. It’s hard to get to know someone while you’re shouting from two feet away.
- It is (super) weird to think about the future
There’s a lot of research that supports that this is not-so-weird. Many MANY people consider their potential futures with someone. Why wouldn’t you? Are you dating, so you can potentially find someone that you enjoy spending time with long-term? ….Well, long-term relationships need forethought.
- Your body is being judged
I’m going to steal what the website commented here, because I really liked it: ”The top three things that singles judge a potential first date by are grammar, self-confidence, and their teeth (random). Your body-shape is perfect the way it is, and if a first date can’t see that then good riddance!” –Good riddance is right!! You’re perfectly fine the way you are; no one is judging your body! You put yourself out there and went on this date, you deserve a good time! Don’t let the paranoia monster in. YOU.LOOK.DIVINE.
- “Friends With Benefits” will never turn into a serious relationship
This is just not factual. I don’t know why people say this. I think there are types of casual hook-up relationships that have no hope, but there are plenty that form into something more. Like I said above, it just depends on the two people and what they’re both looking for. If you’re both on the same page and want that currently, but have nothing against it developing into something more..why wouldn’t it? I think this myth causes paranoia. I’ve had girlfriends ask me if I think their relationship is hopeless because it started by them just fooling around here and there at one point. No. I definitely do NOT think that. DO WHAT YOU WANT.
- Everyone fibs about their sexual history
I know men and women that aren’t honest about this, but I think I know more people that are honest. However, I also don’t think this is an appropriate question for a first date. I have asked someone just out of curiosity before, but I didn’t actually have interest in dating him. I was just trying to figure out if he was a 40 year old virgin (which would have been perfectly fine). I’m really big on honesty, so if you don’t want to tell someone the truth just tell them that that’s a conversation for your future husband (or someone you’re in a serious relationship with). If you’re already in a serious relationship, just tell them. No one is going to dump you, because of your magic number. If they do, they’re an asshole. Also, don’t be daft and act like you don’t know your number –we all know our number.
So, let’s recap: IGNORE DATING MYTHS!!!! Oh, and my Nana is busy haunting her ex-husband(s) and hopefully not hovering over any of your shoulders, reading this post. But on a serious note, do what you feel is best for YOU and you’ll be golden! 😉
To Be Continued,