I’ve gotten a few more topic suggestions from friends, and one trend that I noticed was that all of the suggestions were about men. Which is lovely, because this happens to be one of my favorite topics to discuss. Primarily because men baffle me –I have always struggled with accepting that they don’t think the same way I do. Also, I never really grew out of that “giggling about boys” stage. I likely never will. Because there were several suggestions about these primitive beings (just kidding), I decided I’d briefly address a few at a time. I really like putting this out there, because unless we talk about it, how does anyone know that there are other people out there that can empathize with us? Here we go: “sex with her ex” and “clueless spouse”.
!!Disclaimer: I was listening to my Adele station on Pandora the entire time I wrote this, so in order for you to be in the same place, it’s really necessary for you to turn yours on (I know you have one)!!
“Sex with her ex”-“Why do I do it even though I know it’s a bad idea?”
Girl, we all do it. Men do it, too. I have so many guy friends that will text or call me, and be like “WHY CAN’T I STAY AWAY FROM HER!? SHE’S SO BAD FOR ME!!!”. Even in situations that the other person didn’t “wrong” you, we all know it’s really just not great for the adjustment to go back and sleep with them. It sends so many mixed signals, and regardless of what people say, seldom are two people consistently on the same page when they’re no longer in a committed relationship with one another. There’s that security and trust that comes with commitment, where you know that person’s intentions in the relationship and it gives you the freedom from that paranoia monster that creeps into our thoughts and tells us to be suspicious of other’s motives. –A little suspicion never hurt no one –but overall, it’s not great to be in any situation that makes you feel uneasy. –Story Time- I not only slept with an ex, but it took me years after our break up to actually want to potentially put up with another relationship. Why? –Because in the beginning of us fooling around, it was fun and playful. It was like our relationship, just without all of the drama. Once that honeymoon period wore off, we were left with nothing but the distrust and negativity that split us up in the first place. We continued to sleep together, and it took me a really long time to accept that because of that toxic dynamic, I didn’t even enjoy “play time” anymore. I had gone to visit one of my best friends and I told her “It’s been two years since I’ve actually enjoyed sex. I keep thinking it’s me. Maybe it’s my meds, or maybe it’s an age thing?” and she was shocked, because as you guys have read previously, I.LOVE.PLAYTIME. Well, it made me realize that I only thoroughly enjoy playtime when I’m with someone that I’m really into and care about, and they care about me (all of me). I’m an intense person, if I feel like someone may not accept all of my personalities(no joke-all of them), I just don’t feel close to them and then I don’t want to be close to them. Long story short, I ended up hating him. It’s been YEARS and I still shutter a little when I think about him. –Back to you, sex with her ex. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Life is a learning process, and this is something we all have to learn for ourselves. Your experience may not be as negative as some of ours have been. It may or may not blow up in your face; be aware that your results will be unpredictable. And most of all, just remember to protect yourself(in every way).
“Clueless Spouse”-“My partner can’t take a hint to save his life.”
First, I actually laughed when I saw the title to that message, because HOLY SHIT are we all with you on that boat of pissed off partners. Who doesn’t have a partner that can’t take a hint? Seriously. Well, my loves, I have learned something invaluable, and it’s simply that not everyone has our same thought process and that it is absolute madness to attempt to project our thought process onto another. Just tell him. I hate hinting, because I could try to tell my ex boyfriend that I kind of just wanted to “stay home tonight, and be cozy”, and without a doubt, he’d invite some friends over to play video games. And then there’s me in my unicorn footie pajamas, making popcorn so we can watch rom-coms and stare into each other’s eyes. IT.NEVER.FAILED. –So, just tell him. That’s what I resorted to doing. I had to straight up tell him, WE ARE STAYING HOME TO BE IN LOVE AND STARE INTO EACH OTHER’S EYES! -and even though we aren’t together anymore, that is probably the only relationship of mine that didn’t crash and burn. So, sugar tits, be direct. It’s the only way to combat this problem, and when you’re frustrated with him, explain why you’re so annoyed. Growing up, I’d get frustrated with my dad for not listening to everything I was saying, and his response would ALWAYS be “Be patient. I am just a mere mortal. My brain doesn’t have the capacity to comprehend everything you’re putting off right now.” –So, try to think of it that way. Men often can’t pick up on non-verbals(sighs, hand gestures, facial expressions) the same way that women can. For us, it is just processed automatically, but for men, they have to make a conscious effort to catalog these behaviors. So, be patient with him. 😉 He can’t help it that he’s just a mere mortal.
To Be Continued,